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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: IT'S CHILD'S PLAY (06/06/19)
God, I’m so tired.

I sighed as I counted lavender drops into a running bath. Not that the essential oil would really slow down my racing mind. I eased my aching body in the comforting warmth with a long sigh.

How did it get so out of control?

A tear slid down my cheek. A second found its trail and followed. Then another. And another.

The phone jangled in the distance.

I can’t take it, God, I just can’t.

Guilt settled on me like a Grandmother’s quilt on a hot July day. I struggled to breathe. My thoughts accelerated.

Jack’s asking strange questions. Forgetting where he put things. That’s not like him. He’s an engineer. He lives and breathes methodical precision. What if he …

I bit my lip. Refused to let my mind wander there.

I don’t inhabit the world of ‘what ifs’.

I caught my breath. Held it.

God, is that you? I knew that thought had not come from me.
I’d lived in the land of ‘what ifs’ for years.

What if I got a terminal illness?
What if my kids needed help I couldn’t give?
What if Timmy started drinking again?
What if Sarah married that guy she’d been dating on and off?
What if Jack had …

Again, I stopped my mind. I refused to process that what if.

Marge called today, asking me to lead the next women’s conference. God, I can’t do it. I just can’t. I whimpered, pressing the washcloth to my mouth.

Then, DON’T.

“But, God.” I gasped out loud. “I can't disappoint Marge.”

Silence.

I sighed. Thought about my 10-year-old granddaughter.

How simple life was back then.

I had played a lot of tether ball at her age. I remembered the thrill of pounding the ball with a balled fist every time it swung past my head. It spun faster and faster, the rope shortened with every revolution, until it tethered itself against the pole. I was unstoppable back then. The tether ball champ of my middle school.

Now, I feel like I’M the tether ball. Catapulted one direction, then slammed in the other. Back and forth. Back and forth.
Tears increased. I added each to the dampening washcloth.

Lily, what did I promise you in Matthew 11?

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV). I rattled off the words I’d memorized as a child in Sunday School.

Are you burdened, Lily?

I nodded.

Do you believe I can give you rest?

Well, yes. That’s what I’m praying for right now.

How about your burden, Lily? Is it heavy?

Yes. My hand swiped across both cheeks. SO heavy.

Didn’t I promise MY burden is light?

My galloping thoughts skidded to a halt. I felt trapped by his question. Ensnared by my own thoughts.

God, I …

Silence.

My heart stilled.

I can’t answer your question, Father. I can’t.

Am I a liar?

NO!

Then, understand this, daughter. My burden IS light. Get rid of all the burdens you put on yourself. I can't help you with those. However, I will carry the ones I gave you. Will you do it?
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This article has been read 483 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jennifer Warren 
06/14/19
This is so good! I like the way you interweave the thoughts. It's raw and real, like life. It's not easy, but God didn't promise easy. I pray you will discern between what He has given you and what He hasn't. I pray you will experience His abiding care and love and His burden-carrying ability.
Barbara Culler 
06/14/19
Loved your quilt to hot day analogy, and how you wrote about the tears falling.
Such graphic imagery!

I loved tether ball in elementary school and I was decent at it.
Larry Whittington
06/14/19
Good use of scripture in this dialog with yourself. Nice story also.
Rachel Rudd
06/15/19
This is so honest and so real. I've had my own "stress breakdown" and discovered how true it is that God is our strength. Thanks for sharing this well-written entry!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/17/19
This is outstanding. Giving up our burdens sounds so easy, but for people like me and your MC, we clutch at them with both hands. I've tears in my eyes. I can't tell you how the Holy Spirit used your words to speak to me right now. Although it's not easy, I'm praying for strength to let go. Thanks for writing this. You've blessed me.
Donald Standeford
06/19/19
I liked the idea of someone so tired they cannot get themselves to interact with others in a social setting, but still seeks solace in talking to God.

God talks to us no matter when or where we come to him. God is a great listener, and we know his part in the conversation will be to improve our character and soothe our aches and pains.

That said, thought you carried off this conversation successfully as far as drama goes. You kept the conversation pretty much in the range of dialogue even though it is internal. If you hadn't made it feel like a dramatic piece by just relaying thought minus drama, this piece would not have worked so well. Congrats!
Bonnie Bowden 
06/20/19
Congratulations on your first place win in the Advanced category, Arlene.

You are a gifted writer.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/20/19
Congratulations on ranking 1st in your level and 13th overall! Happy Dance! This piece really touched me during a difficult week so I'm delighted to see it did so well.