The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/26/19
Lovely message that gave us the chance to enter into your personal journey of where you have walked with others. Thank you.
You grabbed my attention right away and held it to the end. You made me stop and think, which is always a great thing for an author to do. Just some tiny things: when you combine two words to make one modifier like home-made, you generally use a hyphen, although handmade, toenails, and granddaughter are usually single words. You started using the universal we, but quickly switched to I, but then switched back to we at the end. I think you could have used I from the beginning and at the end. I could totally relate in many ways because I've had chronic pain for 30 years, and I know from watching my family how hard it is to watch someone you love suffer and not be able to make it go away. I also related to the granddaughter reference; it's a love unlike any other. I think your message is powerful and touched my heart. You did a great job transitioning through the sections too.
01/30/19
I enjoyed reading through your life journey. I liked the line about you friend chasing peacocks in heaven. I could easily visualize that!