Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: WAIT (08/30/18)
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TITLE: Mal...lingerer | Previous Challenge Entry
By Bea Edwards
09/01/18 -
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But You asked me to serve. Service means motion, get ‘er done, checked off the list…forward momentum --anything but this… This holding pattern. For goodness sake I’m not waiting to land Lord. I thought You wanted me to take off…
Just short of a year ago the force of Your breath nearly blew our house apart. The hurricane ripped many of our neighbor’s homes to pieces. Irma traumatized our community, sucked the last bit of life out of my marriage, relocated me here, and now I’M SUPPOSED TO pause, slow down, linger…Here, back where all the brokenness began.
I might think the prompting to immediately pound out a few lines, after posting this week's topic, ironic or a misunderstanding at best, If I weren’t absolutely confident that You use all things for good. Confidence in Your goodness and mercy.
Even understanding the redemptive nature of your movements…they are still movements. Forward momentum towards being light in the world; glorifying Your name; loving our neighbor; all those are verbs Lord…
I feel like I’m a living ellipsis…
I trust You Abba in this moment's breath....in...and breath out.... 23,000 breaths today. I trust You and will be still as long as You deem proportionate, to my complete unabridged…another lame attempt at humor…I know…give it up...Surrender.
So, perhaps 15 minutes after deciding to be still and wait on You, I’ve got to run…Appointments tasks and life are not so kind as to allow me to remain in this precious moment.
I’m grateful that at least I realize You are coming along, or positioned in expectation, am I coming along with you…
Neither or… either and…
Back again...
I feel as if I’m about to IMPLODE in this ‘liminal space of the already and not yet.’*
Is anyone tracking or am I the only one He has in this position of expectant trepidation?
I recently read a commentary that described Jacob’s wrestle with God. Jacob being held down, pressed upon by the living God…Selah pause and think on that… apprehended by the grace and mercy of God… I think perhaps he was fighting for breath. For what he thought was life as God pinned him to the ground. Until that pivotal moment when final resistance fled, that moment Jacob the deceiver became Israel, the surrendered one God could use, limping to lead well.
This is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it…New day new revelation…This ellipsis is right where you want me. It’s not about me its ALL about You! You in me… making me somewhat reflect Your glory...daahh. Please forgive me for being such a whiner. Thank You that Your mercy is new every morning and great is YOUR faithfulness. Jesus YOU are the answer…expecting You to renew and restore…all things in your time Lord. Amen.
*loosely based on a memory through a lesson discussion by Brooke Boon founder of Holy Yoga.
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