Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: WAIT (08/30/18)
- TITLE: Who Waits On Whom?
By Linda Lawrence
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Lord, I am so ashamed. I offered myself to You; I told You I would say Yes to anything You asked, but here I am, crying in self-pity, No, No, No.
This meltdown took place during the first year of the three my Mom, struggling with Alzheimer’s, lived with my husband and me. When my Dad died, we knew Mom could not live alone. The Lord had walked with her, strengthened her, protected her, given her enough clarity of mind to care for Dad while he was hospitalized with a stroke, but now she needed someone to do those things for her. That’s what the Lord asked me to do.
Lord, I want my own life back. Even at this moment I should be home, with Mom. Instead, I am rushing my errands, resenting the tether I’m on. For how long? I’m ashamed of my selfish heart that wants to escape this responsibility.
Leaning back in the driver’s seat, I saw my Bible on the passenger side, left in the car from Sunday. Obviously, I had not read from it since then.
Lord, will you speak to me. Do you hear my cry?
Propping the Bible on the steering wheel, I opened to the Psalms and a phrase caught my eye. “Bring me out of my distresses.” Yes, that’s what I needed!
I started at the beginning. Psalm 25: “O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me.”
But Lord, I am ashamed. I am my worst enemy. My enemies (self-pity, selfishness, self, self, self) are exulting over me!
“Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame. . .”
Really Lord? If I wait for You? The years of living my mother’s life, instead of my own, appear to be stretching toward an unending horizon. What do I do with my sin and shame as I wait? They haunt me. How long must I wait for you to deliver me? I’m trapped.
“Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths . . . for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.”
I remember the day I joyfully vowed to be Your servant instead of serving myself. You shifted my perspective so I saw the greater value and privilege in being Your Servant. You gave me another way of looking at “waiting” — to be a waiter is to be at Your service. You are reminding me again in this Psalm. “He teaches the humble his way.” You set the example, Lord, when You humbled Yourself and washed the disciples’ feet. And You told us that when we serve others, we are serving You. How could I forget!
As the rain eased up, so did the struggle in my soul. The Lord served more memories to me: the ways God had rescued me from my self in the past, His compassion towards my shame, His forgiveness, His willingness to wash me whenever I needed to be cleansed again. I remembered His tender mercies with me and I was stirred with desire to give back to Him and to share His love and kindness with those who needed them like I did. I then understood He was giving me that opportunity — in my mother.
The rain had stopped. I closed my Bible. My shame, my tears and fears were once again washed away. My Lord had waited on me.
I could now see my way home.
Psalm 25 ESV
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