The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/07/18
Wow...a powerfully insightful and moving entry that touched my heart. Your words resonated surrender and truths.

Thank you for this beautifully poignant piece, that obviously is a true story, it has to be because it touched my soul.

Well done,
God bless~
09/13/18
Congrats,
Blessings~
This is really lovely. You did a great job of showing the conflict and stress right away, pulling me into your story. There were a few sentences that were a bit awkward or maybe too long. I'd urge you to ask someone to read it aloud to you. If he stumbles, then you need to rework it. For example, I struggled with one part and might tweak it like this: My meltdown happened shortly after Mom moved in with us. After Dad died, she couldn't live alone because she struggled with Alzheimer's. Even though the Lord walked alongside her, strengthened, and protected her, she still needed me to assist her with everyday activities.
This is just a quick example. Often when writing based on actual events, it can be hard to trim things because everything is seared into your memories, but not every detail is needed because you do such an excellent job of showcasing your message. I truly enjoyed the intimate conversation with God. Many don't understand how easy it is to talk to Jesus, but you show that in this stunning article. You also show how he speaks back. It gave me goosebumps. Congratulations on ranking 5th in your level and 14 overall. Happy Dance!