Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: SLIP OF THE TONGUE (01/26/17)
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TITLE: Oh, I do not know | Previous Challenge Entry
By Leonard Granger
02/02/17 -
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Having lived on a farm much of my life, I am aware how important it is to sow good seed in good soil to have a bountiful crop. Not all soil conditions are the best and produce quickly. However, marginal soil still produces at a slower pace, if we plant with good seed.
We read in Bible, where the Lord is speaking to His disciples, Matthew 13:37-38, He answered and said to them, " He who soweth the good seed is the Son of Man. The field is the world, the good seeds are the sons of the kingdom, but the tars are the sons of the wicked one."
A day later, we had a Dish TV tech make some adjustments on our TV equipment and I gave him a light pen with the message. " The Lord Is My Light And Salvation." He said it was like the John 3:16 message. Then I gave him a handful of pens, the newspaper article I write, and Lens Lines books to hand out. He was so happy and said he would share with the other Dish TV techs and spread the Gospel.
The next day, a couple came to visit my step daughter and I gave light pens to them. He said that is a fine pen and when he read the message, he commented, "Oh " I gave him a handful of pens to share with his friends, and he thought a moment. Then he said, "I do not know,well I believe I can give them to my friends". but with not much enthusiasm. He did not refuse the light pens, so I pray it may be seed sown in marginal soil that will produce even it takes longer.
As Christians let us remember the Great Commission, Mark 16:15 And He said to them, " Go into all the world and preach the Gospel to every creature."
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If you could tighten up the writing some, it would help the flow. For example, you could do this:
Recently,at my country church, the pastor preached about sowing seeds at every opportunity. Pointing at members, he anounced, "You and you and you can spread the Gospel throughout the town, state, and eventually the world."
By taking out unnecessary words, adding body language and dialog, it paints a more vivid picture for the reader. I also tried to stay in first person singular voice (I instead of we), while switching passive sentences to active ones to make it more personal.
I think you missed the topic on this one. You kind of touch on it in one line, but it isn't the main focus of the story. You could take that line out, and it wouldn't make a difference to the heart of the article.
I can feel your passion and desire to sow God's Word with your words. You have a nice foundation. I'd love to challenge you to read and comment on every entry in this level. By leaving constructive crutiques, you'll end up discovering more about your own writing. I don't challenge everyone to do this, but I think you are capable and believe it will help you spread the Word to even more people. Nice job.