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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Empty Nester/Retirement (from work) (09/10/09)
The first time I met him he sat in a chair
And whenever I’d visit he’d still be right there
I was told he’d retired and taken his ease
He could finally now do whatever he pleased

Seemed whatever he pleased was to sit and regress
To loll in his chair and smoke cigarettes
His life was a farce he was empty and dead
Retirement for him had sadly just led

To a chair in a room with TV and smoke
To a meaningless life that was only a joke
He was forced to retire and the loss made him sicker
He’d stare out the window downing shots of his liquor

In a chair in his boxers with his mind in a haze
Was not how he’d planned to live out his last days
His tongue would slide out as he collected dry dust
His heart hollowed out and covered in rust


Hot heavy hindsight haunted his brain
Past choices forgotten had morphed into pain
“Daddy read me a story“…”Not now go away”
“Honey help me a minute“…”Not now, not today"


His work was his mistress his meaning in life
He'd long ago left his children and wife
Now he wished them back but they were all gone
So he sat in his chair and retired…all alone…
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This article has been read 1093 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
c clemons
09/18/09
Rhyme meter was very stilted and never did find out who the voice was and overall depressing. Needs work for better flow.
Beth LaBuff 
09/20/09
I think you did great work on this poem, that warns what could happen. Some of your allusions are terrific.. work/mistress. Very clever.
Verna Cole Mitchell 
09/22/09
"Past choices forgotten had morphed into pain." This sums up the sadness of your poem--well told.
Bryan Ridenour
09/22/09
Well told tale which I wished had a happier ending, but I'm afraid many wind up this way. I could feel the man's despair and loneliness. Well done.
Eileen Knowles
09/22/09
What a sad story. But very true for some people. I think you did a good job of helping us "see" it. :)
Sarah Elisabeth
09/22/09
very well done. sad though, I felt like I was reading my papaw's story. the lines really hit home and were true to life
Sherrie Coronas
09/23/09
Your words moved me. There is, indeed, much sadness out there in the world. We write about we see and you did a great job here reflecting a sad reality that hopefully serves as a wake up call for those who still have time to change...nice job.
Lisa Johnson
09/25/09
I thought this poem flowed very well, and despite being so sad...its message was superb. It is an important message...one that some people never hear until it is too late.
Lisa Johnson
09/25/09
Thank you , by the way for your kind words about my entry.
Allen Stark
09/26/09
Cathy, I liked your poetry, but how sad. One question that sticks out whenever I read about people's dependency on tobbacco is, what is it they don't understand about the connection between it and cancer.