The Official Writing Challenge
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Rachel, this wasn't bad, but I think it fell down when you switched from fiction to non-fiction halfway though. I'm never fond of that, even though you did swing back to the story at the end.

I always feel as though the writer has taken the easy way out when they communicate information through a non-fiction break of "teaching" in a story. The writer should be able to communicate the message, in entirety, through the characters and the story. So stick with one or the other--fiction or non-fiction

The other reason to do this is to avoid the reader feeling cheated because the story switched to teaching/non-fiction halfway through.

Give yourself a pat on the back for a particularly good ending, though. That was one of the strongest parts of your story (which goes to show how much better it would have been if you had stuck with the character's story throughout.)

Keep rising to the Challenge, Rachel.

Blessings! Deb (Challenge Coordinator)