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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: ONEROUS (03/02/17)
I was raised in a very volatile family where my father’s choleric moods set the tone in our house. His criticisms were relentless, and I grew up with lasting feelings of anxiety and incompetence. My mother was his enabler and never challenged him even when his outbursts hurt others.

Growing up I loved him and feared him, and when he beat me, I forgave him. There was no comfort from my mother, as her sense of loyalty to him overrode any affection she may have had for me.

My relationship with them ended five years ago, crushing my hopes of a reconciliation. I prayed for a long time and asked God for help. His answer to me: let it go.

It wasn't the answer I wanted. I couldn't let it go. The pain was too deep and I was angry. Why had my life turned out this way? It wasn't fair! So I remained in a depressed state, obsessed with my despair and wallowing in self pity.

A few months ago, one of my children came home from high school, and said a student had been in a shooting accident, but when my daughter spoke to victim’s cousin she learned the boy had actually attempted suicide and was now trying to cope with the horrendous injuries caused by the bullet. I wanted to be strong in front of her, but I felt my knees buckle and excused myself and went upstairs. I lay on my bed, with my face buried in a pillow trying to mute my sobs. I felt incredible sadness for the young teen and his family, and I begged God to help them.

For days they dominated my thoughts and all I could think of was their suffering. Every day a sense of grief overwhelmed me and I would have to stop what I was doing to pray for them. This was happening multiple times a day, and I began to question my state of mind.

The distress I felt went beyond what was rational, and I couldn't understand why I had such intense feelings, for people I didn't even know. I had heard stories of other children being hurt or even dying, so why was this affecting me so badly?

Finally, one day as I sat on my bathroom floor, pleading with God to restore the boy’s sight. I asked Him to take this from me.
“This hurt is not mine. I will gladly pray for this child, but why do I need to hurt so much for someone I don’t even know. I have enough going, I’m still dealing with the rejection of my family.”

But my family’s brokenness wasn't mine either. God had told me to let it go, and I had refused. I was ashamed and I believed that God let me experience the pain of the boy and his family to show me how selfish and disobedient I was being. At that moment I accepted God’s will and realized I needed to stop obsessing about my past and use that time to pray for others.

As difficult and painful as the last few weeks have been, I realize I am blessed. I still pray for the boy and his family everyday and I will continue to keep them in my daily prayers. I have also started to pray for other families facing similar crisis and for those contemplating suicide.

As for my family I still love them, and I don’t know what the future holds. If I were in control, I would have a relationship with them, but I am not, God is. He has given me the strength and courage to live with it, and and I must accept His will even if it is not what I want.
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This article has been read 451 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Tonya Stevenson
03/10/17
The pain of men's rejection, and the desire to be loved especially by ones parents probably never goes away.

But the eternal joy of being accepted in our Beloved eternally.... Oh that blessed day when faith becomes sight. Sometimes I think I can not wait.

To use that time when our pasts hang over us to pray for others is a wonderful exhortation.

Phillip Cimei
03/13/17
You have enough in this story to write a book, You nailed the topic. Now comes the work on your part to make this a number one best seller. Go back and reread the first paragraph. there were so many opportunities to ensnare your audience. Your father's demeaning spirit, your mother's enabling. You could have developed a dynamic hook with some by not using the "was" and "were" passive words and injected real situations. I was great to see you come out of that and allow our Lord to give you hope. I would love to see what you could do with all of this. Be creative and go to the forum site to get help with the points I mentioned. God bless and I will watch for more of your writing,
Jenny Fulton 
03/13/17
Sounds like some tough situations and tough lessons. I've seen more than a few people hang on to the hurts of the past and know that letting go of it is never easy.
C D Swanson 
03/13/17
It doesn't mention if this is a true story, but the pain of the MC was palpable, and the thought patterns realistic.

Your story touched my heart, and it is a deep reminder that so many people have had a "hard or tough past" and find it difficult to move on.

I've counseled so many in a similar situation...the great news is that with the love and trust of God, so many have been able to go forward, just as you have.

Thanks for speaking this story to us.

God bless you abundantly~
Bonnie Bowden 
03/19/17
Congratulations on your 1st place finish in the Advanced category and for finishing 7th place overall, J.C.

This story sounded like it was true. Hopefully one day God will restore this family to wholeness.

Minor correction:

Spoke to [the] victim's cousin ...