Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: BACK TO BASICS (02/16/17)
TITLE: The Dog/Cat Dilemma
By Mike Hill
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Thats a guy thing right? Digging deeper, is it a guy thing because of genes or because of something else? Is life just about always being right? My uncle used to say that even a broken clock is right twice a day.
I find myself hypothetically having to make a decision. The Dog/Cat decision. I say hypothetical, because of the two cats, the cuddly, female type person around the house has outlawed dogs. Shes the boss by the way Ive already acquiesced! Early on, I failed the WOS, the Woman Operating System test. FYI, I have been getting better grades, but still not passing.
Recently an article was deposited in my recliner by the female type person. I thought it prudent that I study and cogitate on the article. Wrong! Apparently, the correct and right response was to immediately and emphatically agree! The article was entitled, Real Men Love Cats!
Since I was already in hot water, I decide to don my pink shirt and study on how the Dog/Cat decision and the Real Men Love Cats article interact. I ask myself What is a cats goal in life?
I pick Fluffy up and ask her, "Fluffy, what is your life goal?" She responds, "Meow," jumps out of my arms, and sits on the nearby table. I interpret her answer as, "You silly man, what makes you think you could understand my life goals?" Stymied in my survey attempt, I look elsewhere for answers. Sharply honed powers of observation and not a few hits on the internet was the basis of the following list of apparent cat goals.
These are the ten life goals that each house cat is supposed to achieve before their 9th death.
Liberally apply cat hair to EVERYTHING
Consume as much expensive canned food as possible
Be the world's best paperweight
World Domination, and look cute doing it
Accept no bath
Seek out all sleep-inducing sunbeams
Wait until the litter box is clean, then use it immediately
Fit into every possible box
Befuddle all humans
Finally, catch the red dot
Upon retrospect, cats seem somehow complicated. They tempt you to untangle them. But has anyone figured them out? Is there such a being as a Cat Whisperer? Real men are supposed to, ahem, love cats, but perhaps that is only when they are courting! My need is for a more back-to-basic pet say, like a dog.
A cat exemplifies ennui, taking in all sorts of information yet exhibiting the pain of existence, a poor little predator deprived of the supreme pleasures of the hunt. A man wonders, existentially, whether he is playing with the cat or if the cat is playing with him.
A dog is more explosive, getting far too excited and running around barking a lot. They are transparent, easy to understand, and possessing a philosophy of life which enables simplification. That same philosophy, an attitude of gratitude, deletes negativity from life. Imagine thanksgiving in all things! I defy any non-cat-biased, rational mind to explore the following list of doggie philosophies:
Dog food! My favorite thing!
A car ride! My favorite thing!
A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
Getting scratched and petted! My favorite thing!
Bacon! My favorite thing!
Playing in the yard! My favorite thing!
Wagging my tail! My favorite thing!
Dinner! My favorite thing!
Playing ball! My favorite thing!
Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
This dog list causes me to pause. In the midst of the mire of life, I find myself more concerned about griping and complaining than in fully experiencing Gods blessings. Dogs seem to be thankful for everything. Why can I not learn that and move my Thanksgiving from just being a holiday into a back-to-basic, back-to-the-bible lifestyle?
Im ready to be rid of the Ill be happy when.. days. I want the ingratitude days to leave my life. Thanklessness is a place God does not inhabit, a self-imposed prison of darkness and gnashing of teeth from which escape is not easy. If dogs can do it, surely I can. My new Alleluia - dont worry, pray about everything and dont forget thanks.
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