Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: RESOLUTION (01/07/16)
-
TITLE: The Same Road | Previous Challenge Entry
By Dixie Koch
01/14/16 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
“The day I walked away from religion, was the day I decided I wanted more of Jesus than I had ever known before,” she had said as her eyes reached right into Bonnie's soul. “And,” she had continued, “I had a dream that one day you and I would be walking down the same road.”
“But!” Bonnie had exclaimed, feeling a bit rattled, “You, my sister, have fallen off the deep end. I mean, you do strange things and say the Holy Spirit told you to do it. Like what you did today,” Bonnie had tossed her head toward the window. “I was embarrassed to be standing there with you! Can you imagine what the owner thought when you put your hands on his building and prayed, 'In the Name of Jesus this bar will close, and it will never re-open?'”
As the night sky lit up with the striking lightning, Bonnie's mind went back, way back again to her sister's words, “I had a dream that one day you and I would be walking down the same road.”
Mary Lou had been a pioneer, walking out what she had believed. Despite a hard life; Irregardless of how impossible things looked, the Holy Spirit had walked down that road with her.
Mary Lou's heart had bled many times. She hated the devil. She wasn't going to let him have her children. When her daughter had begun to visit that old bar, Mary Lou had marched down the street and declared it would close.
Just a few years later its doors were barred shut. That had been over thirty years ago and the old bar had never reopened.
Tears, like the rain outside, began streaming down Bonnie's cheeks. She could see Mary Lou's sweet face looking up at heaven while her arms raised higher still. She could hear her sister praying with words of authority piercing and cracking through the atmosphere.
“Your prayers were like the lightning lighting up my room right now,” Bonnie sobbed. “You lit up my life with the truth.”
Mary Lou was twenty years older than Bonnie. She had been like a sister, a mother, and a best friend.
About five years before Mary Lou's death, Bonnie had found herself struggling in the hard things of life and she had always found comfort in Mary Lou's arms. “There's more. There's so much more in Jesus than religion can ever give you,” her sister had promised again.
Bonnie had asked Jesus into her life when she was fifteen years old. There had been joy and expectation. There had been sweet salvation. She had soon settled into church, heard fine sermons, and enjoyed the fellowship of many wonderful people.
But later she had become aware of a hunger rising up in her for that “more” her sister had always talked about.
The “more” scared her sometimes.
Later, Bonnie had visited a church, and what the Pastor said had also been like a bolt of lightning, cracking through her spirit. He had said, “Some of you are so afraid of the devil, you are running from the Holy Spirit.”
“Jesus wants to baptize you in the Holy Spirit,” Mary Lou had explained. “Then you'll be walking in the Spirit more. He will hold you up. He will be the power you are looking for.”
Bonnie had fallen down on her face before God, asking God for that “more.”
That's the day she took her sister's hand and promised to walk down the same road. Hand in hand they would walk together.
It was so hard to say goodbye to her sister. Those few precious years of walking down the same road as Mary Lou were like refreshing rain drops in the memory bank of her heart.
The smell of fresh rain was delightful as Bonnie went for her morning walk. So many in her family thought she, too, had gone off the deep end. But as she walked with the Holy Spirit down that country road, He helped her pray. She prayed for her kids and her grand kids, and cried aloud, “Enemy, in the Name of Jesus, I break every assignment and any plot you have against my children. I say to you, 'Greater is He who is in me than he who is in this world.'”
Over and over again God has answered Bonnie's prayers. And she is resolved to cry for “more” daily, because He never quits amazing her!
Based on a TRUE story.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
So often people think those who are "in tune" with the Lord are "wacky" or "off the deep end" that is such a compliment...as Jesus said, be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven.
Thanks for sharing your beautifully inspiring story of your sister and your life with us. She sounded like a special gift from God.
God bless~
I'm utilizing this passage from now on. Thank you.
What a wonderful story. What a wonderful sister. You were so fortunate.
God Bless,
Some people say you shouldn't start a story with dialog as it can make the reader feel like she walked in in the middle of something, I don't necessarily agree, but in this case I think starting with action might pull the reader in right off. You could also tighten it up some, which will make it easier to read and leave you more words for more details. For example, I might suggest an edit like this:
Mary Lou marched up, placed her hands on the building, and bowed her head. "In the name of Jesus, please close this bar and never let this place be used to hurt people again. Amen."
Bonnie felt the heat creep up her neck and spread across her face. Tugging on her sister's arm, she tilted her head towards the grimy window. "You've fallen off the deep end--doing strange things, and then saying that the Holy Spirit told you to do it. What will people think?"
It's not perfect, but sometimes I think it's easier to understand if I see an example. I didn't need to tell the reader that Bonnie was embarrassed because I showed it with her red cheeks, pulling her sister away, and finally with dialog. It also starts off with action and conflict right away.
For the most part, you've done a great job telling the story, but just some rearranging can pull the reader in faster and make it outstanding. I thought the conflict was realistic and one everyone can relate to. Your story showed what faith really means and how important prayer is. You've done a great job of making your points without sounding preachy. That's not easy to do. I especially like that this is so realistic. You've turned a true experience into creative nonfiction. I enjoyed reading this and look forward to reading more of your stories.