Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write for the HUMOR Genre (10/09/14)
- TITLE: What a Difference a Thesaurus Makes
By Laurie Glass
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Why, you ask?
Because I have a limited vocabulary, of course. So instead of using words like scant or meager, colossal or massive, I say bland words like big or little. Duh. What’s your next question?
Okay, enough of my snarky attitude. But aren’t you impressed that I know the word snarky? I am. Maybe I should call myself Little Miss Big and Little and Snarky.
Anyway, I can beat myself up over my word deficit, or I can use a thesaurus - like I just did to find the words scant, meager, colossal, and massive. One day, I went to the online thesaurus and typed in the word message.
What? I must have typed in the wrong thing. I double-checked. No. There it was. A word I would never have expected meant the same as message. I was just plain boonswaggled when I saw it. See, I just make up words when I can’t think of one that already exists. Yes, I know I’m getting distracted again and need to get back on track. So, what was one of the words that came up for message in the thesaurus?
Poop. Yes, you read that right. Poop.
This substitution didn’t quite fit the piece I was writing, if you can fathom that. However, I thought about how I would use poop instead of message in my typical, everyday conversation. And what a great use of time that was. I hope you get as much out of it as I did.
I left a poop on his desk.
I couldn’t reach him so I left a poop on his answering machine.
Her poop made me mad, so I didn’t return her call.
I couldn’t understand either of their poops, so I wasn’t sure what to do.
Hey, I’m just passing on someone else’s poop to you.
If you don’t like the poop, don’t shoot the pooper.
I tried sending a private poop to a friend of mine today, but it didn’t go through.
I sent him a small poop via e-mail, but it bounced back.
With some people, you can try and try, but they’ll just never get the poop.
She composed such a beautiful, touching poop in my card that it brought tears to my eyes.
I received a poop on my phone from someone I don’t know. Clearly, the poop was meant for someone else.
I can never remember how to change my outgoing poop.
It’s such an important poop to convey if I can just get it out there.
He had such a hard time getting his poop across.
I came home to so many poops tonight. I want to answer them all before I go to bed, but there are just too many.
I left a poop for him on the refrigerator, thinking he couldn’t miss it, but he did.
She sent him mixed poops. No wonder he was confused about their relationship.
What a stack of poops. I’m tired just looking at them.
I just passed the poop right on through to the next person. That thing was like a hot potato, and I didn’t want it left in my lap.
I feel absolutely buried in poops today.
I’ve done so much pooping today. I’m simply pooped out.
I’m shutting myself off from all poops right now. I need some peace and quiet.
I’m afraid my e-mail poop to him may have gotten lost in a sea of a zillion other poops.
So that’s where my mind went. Granted, I’ve thought that some messages weren’t worth anything more than poop, and that they were worthy of landing in the same place as poop. However, I never thought about actually calling those messages poop until I realized I could. I feel so much more accomplished now, and after reading this and being informed yourself, I hope you do, too.
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