The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You grabbed my attention immediately with the first line. I had so many questions bouncing about inside my poor head and you did a wonderful job of answering them before they were asked.

The thing that would make your great story even better would be to sprinkle some more showing instead of telling. For example this sentence: I was so irritated.
is all telling. Different people show irritation differently. I wondered if perhaps your MC stomped her foot while snorting through her nose or perhaps she took her hand and flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder. Little details like this can really bring the MC to life for the reader.

The ending was great and took me by surprise. I expected to see a trail of toilet paper stuck to her foot or attached to her skirt like an unwanted tail. Yet your ending satisfied way more than any bit of humor could have. She's so pretty. The words gripped my heart. There are so many females who measure pretty by an unattainable scale. Yet, here she was being watched because of her beauty not because she didn't fit in or stood out in a crowd but because something about the way she held herself spoke volumes to the giggling girls in the bathroom.
As Christians we need to be aware that every second we are role models to others much like a big sister is to her sibling. We can either push the annoying sibling away or wrap our loving arms around her and show her the proper way to talk, dress, and worship. Beautiful job on this --you nailed the topic and also showed the reader your heart. Who could ask for more?
This is a beautiful article, with a strong and colorful image-filled lead. And a wonderful ending that surprises and delights. Perhaps use the actual word "irritating" fewer times, substituting a synonym here and there? But a gracious message!
Congratulations for ranking 7th in level 3!