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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Park (10/25/12)
“Get ready… the time is coming.”

Liora stopped in her tracks at the sight of two rugged elderly men standing in front of the gnarly old oak, which because of its shape, had been the attraction of Hollyview Park for the past sixty-five years. ‘Wise Ethel’ was its name.

“Repent… judgment draws near.”

She sighed. After being cooped up in the house all winter, Liora had been eager to take a peaceful stroll, and the park normally would have been the best place. The leaves were sprouting, the air was fresh, and the ducks she loved were quacking loudly, signaling their return to the pond that was their summer home. Nevertheless, she turned back to avoid any confrontation.

“Come and listen,” the taller of the men called. He held a black leather book in his hands that she assumed was the Bible.

“Yes, Daughter of Zion, come,” the oldest man spoke gently, while reaching out his hand.

Liora dropped her purse. How did they know she was Jewish?

“Do not despair. Turn back to God.”

She began to shake. After years of serving Jehovah faithfully, Liora had turned her back on Him. Four years ago, a MAC truck had driven into her husband’s car while he was on his way home from work, causing irreparable injuries. Her heart had been crushed, along with her husband’s, and from that day forward, it became consumed with anger towards the One that could have saved him.

“I don’t need God, preachers,” she responded curtly. “Now leave me alone.”

“You used to love Him, and served Him with all your strength. He hasn't forgotten that.” The oldest man, once again, reached out to her. “Your beloved one is safe, and is waiting for you.”

Liora felt her heart race and she began to wheeze. She reached inside her purse, grabbed her inhaler, and took the deepest breath she could muster. Who were these men? Most likely, they were some kind of religious psychic. “How do you know so much about me?”

“We are not psychics. Our knowledge is given to us from the One who created the Heavens and the Earth.” As he spoke, the taller of the men opened the bible, and then began reading aloud quietly.

She wanted to run, but her feet stayed rooted to the ground. They had read her mind and known her heart. It didn't matter; God would never forgive her for forsaking him. The end for her would be the depths of Sheol.

“Have you considered Jesus the Christ?” The oldest and gentler looking of the two walked towards her, smiling.

Knowing she was Jewish, why would they ask her that? “No, I have not.”

“He became the sacrificial lamb that took away all sin. Paid the price in full so that you can be forgiven, and released from the burdens you carry.” Placing his hand on her shoulder, he looked deep into Liora’s eyes. “He suffered the scorn of his Father so that you wouldn't have to. All you need to do is believe.”

Never had Liora felt so much tenderness in a persons touch, and his dark blue eyes bestowed an indescribable power that reached to the core of her soul. Tears flowed from her eyes as she saw a vision of a cross with Jesus upon it. “I believe… I believe.”

“It is done,” the oldest man exclaimed.

The following day, Liora walked through the park with a spring in her step. She felt so free, and wanted to know more of what the men had to teach. At the sight of Wise Ethel, her heart fell; they were gone. She never did get their names…

She noticed that the bible the man had been holding was lying on the bench. She ran over, picked it up, and it fell open to The Book of Jeremiah where a verse was underlined: “I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11 GNT) Hope and joy flooded Liora’s spirit… never had God’s presence been so strong.

At the top of the page, words had been written in what looked to be an ancient script. As she read them, tears poured from her eyes as goose bumps covered her skin, making her shiver. ‘Dearest Liora, “I tell you, the angels of God rejoice over one sinner who repents.”’ (Luke 15:10 GNT)
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This article has been read 697 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Allison Egley 
11/04/12
Oh, this is good! Reminds me of a song by my favorite artist... "I believe He is the Christ, Son of the Living God, my Lord, my Savior!"

The only minor "red ink" I have for you (and it is very minor :) ) is to use "semi-truck" instead of MAC truck. One, it is a brand name, and two, for me, it broke up the flow of the paragraph just a bit.

Great job on this.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/05/12
This is an intriguing story. I found myself engrossed from the first paragraph to the end. I think you did a nice job with your message and your words will touch many. Perhaps some will say having mysterious men who later turn out to be angels is overdone in the literary world. But I do believe that God sends angels to watch over us. I also liked how you built the character and showed her inner conflict in a way many can relate to. Nice job.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/05/12
I try not to read other comments before I comment so I didn't see Allison's until I was done. Perhaps it's a geographical cliche or maybe it reflects our age but the saying I felt like I was hit by a Mac truck is quite common and wouldn't have the same ring to it if you subbed semi. Though she does make a good point about it being a brand name and something that not everyone would know that a Mack truck is a semi. (Oh and it is spelled Mack not MAC)
Beth LaBuff 
11/05/12
The mystery behind the two preachers was tangible. At first I was thinking "the two witnesses" from Revelation, then I did consider angels. I love your title in relation to your story. This story has the ability to grip the reader and to hang on long past when the reader finishes.
Margaret Kearley
11/05/12
Wow, this is quite a story with a good strong message. Well written and gripping.
(Just to add to Alison's and Shann's comments - and confess my own ingnorance - here in UK I have not idea what either a MAC truck or a semi-truck is!!! Guess we would just say 'truck', 'lorry' or 'juggernaut'!!)
Thanks for a great story.
lynn gipson 
11/05/12
"I alone know the plans I have for you" What comforting words and what a beautiful, comforting piece. I love this exceptional story. Well written, thank you!

God Bless, Lynn
Loren T. Lowery
11/06/12
God would not have it that anyone be left behind - if we but listen to the "voices" whispering in our ears. Great job of showing this. Your MC and her plight and struggles and final revelation(s) were all very real and believable.
Bea Edwards 
11/06/12
Your story is a reminder of each of our 'Divine appointments' made by God before the beginning of time. Beautifully crafted story, I enjoyed it very much.
Myrna Noyes
11/06/12
Your story certainly had some intriguing elements! I do believe that God truly does "work in mysterious ways" at times. Nice job! :)
Noel Mitaxa 
11/08/12
Strong sense of dramatic detail in your MC's mind and in the setting of the park.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/09/12
Congratulations for ranking 7th in level three!