The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I enjoyed reading this beautiful, well written testimony Of God's provision throughout you life.
Touching read of such beautiful childhood memories and their spiritual connection in your life!! So well written! Enjoyed!
I enjoy how you maintain the innocence of your childhood within your recognition of a wider, more harmful,world.
Very enjoyable read, though better spacing would improve its flow.
What a sweet nostalgic story with greater spiritual applications. I liked the image of God looking down on the two young sisters in play.Better spacing would make this already wonderful testimony more reader-friendly.
If this is autobiographical, I cannot imagine the amazing memories you must carry with you from your childhood! I loved how you tied together the baby Jesus you beheld as a child, with the bruised and battered Savior you eventually grew to know you needed. Nice use of the Hawthorne quote, as well. I ditto the comments about the spacing - just preview your entry to check paragraph divisions before hitting the submit button.
This is a lovely story, so personal, relevant, and meaningful.
Congratulations for placing 6th in level 3!
This is a very lovely devotion. You touched my heart. You have a great deal of natural talent.

You will hear the advice, Show Don't Tell. Ithink once you master this you will be seeing your stories in the top of the bunch. For example: . If you look across the river, you can see the silhouette of the Vanderbilt Mansion standing proudly, claiming its due splendor.
Just by changing it a little you can show the reader instead of tell about it,

Goosebumps popped out on our arms when we looked across the river and our eyes focused on the splendor of the Vanderbilt Mansion.

I'm sure you could describe what it is like much better than I did, but I wanted to try to show you what I mean.

I could relate to your story as I too played in a cemetery as a child. most people would think that spooky, but it was spiritual. You did an awesome job showing that. I'm eager to read more of your works.