The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is a great story. I love reading stories for this age group and you did a great job!
I enjoyed this. I loved the way you set the scene. I felt the chill of the air, and I sensed a Disney snow princess vibe.

You selection of words, like how the girl 'crunched through the snow' instead of simply walking toward the other girl--pulled me into the scene.

Very sweet story.
I really enjoyed this story. I could see the girls outside playing, and I like how you used Kaley's stomach to describe her emotions (fire, butterflies, wasps) instead of just telling us about them. Great job!
Kept my attention all the way through. I knew there would be a good explanation for the gloves, but I did not see the "mother in the hospital" coming. Touching. Keep writing.
Very well done! You did a great job of capturing the voices of these girls. Transported me back some years!

Congrats on a well written piece :-)
Touching and well written story. I like that the gloves were tied to something sentimental. Very well done.
This was a beautifully written story. The first paragraph in itself was a thing of beauty. Good characterizations, strong dialogue and an likeable mc makes this an endearing story. Should do well this week.
Wonderfully done. I had a couple "eye-stumbles" on some of the dialogue, but overall this was excellent. Your characters are great.
I enjoyed reading this very much. The kindness shown by one child to the other was touching. Well written.
I saw your brick and decided to read your story once again. I'm so glad I did. I think I enjoyed it even more the second time around.

The way you masterfully molded your words into the perfect picture made me sigh with contentment.

You should submit this to Pockets (a Christian children's mag for 8-12 yo, an The Upper Room Co.) It would be perfect for that magazine or several others, but it's so good and the message is concise without being preachy.

Bullying is prevalent in schools today and stories like this geared to that age group could really make a difference in the world!
I can't add much to the comments above, except to say I agree that it's a warm, wonderful and touching piece, and I'm glad I got to read it.
You did a wonderful job of painting this beautiful scene with a great message wrapped up in it too.

I think I would have ended this without the last line. That she took off her gloves would, by itself, make for a stronger ending.
*jumps and cheers* Yay! Congratulations my Highly Commended friend! :D
So well written. Your vivid descriptions drew me into the story. I could actually see the scene in my mind's eye. And I agree, this should definitely be published, especially in light of what is happening in our schools today.
Congrats. This was outstanding. Great voice. Keep it real. Love your writing!
Congratulations!! I knew this would do well!
Wow, Amanda, what a moving story! Congratulations on getting highly commended!