Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: CABIN (09/08/22)
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TITLE: Mercy Rewrote His Life | Previous Challenge Entry
By Vashti (Rose) Hing
09/15/22 -
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Pastor Welsh greeted the young man:
“Hello son.”
“I want to become a Christian tonight,” the man replied.
“Why? Certainly son, we are always glad to see that.” The Pastor looked at him and saw the urgent expression on his face. And in his heart, he prayed, “Oh God help this young man!” Then he prayed with him and told him to stay after the service because he wanted to speak with him.
After the service, Pastor Welsh took him to the office, and they began to talk. The Pastor wanted to know how he found the church. He told the Pastor he was walking looking for any church, and from afar, he saw a sign, Perfect Love Tabernacle. And he said to himself, “This is it!”
“The reason I want to become a Christian,” the young man continued, “I’ve been a gambler. I was out gambling around once up the Northwoods, and I got without money. So, I looked for a job to get enough money to go on.
I got a job at a lumber camp. They hired me to assist an aged woman of color with the cooking and, after, to wash the dishes. We slept in a little back room. And between my part and the old lady’s part was a piece of canvas that separated us.
About two nights after I had been there, I had just washed the dishes and was lying in bed thinking when I heard voices by my window and a funny noise, a mournful rumbling sound. I pulled my head out of the cover and listened. Then I heard one of the men say, “Jim! We better go down to the cabin, or we may be blown off the face of the earth in the next few minutes.”
I jumped up and went to the window. I saw a long pipe-shaped cloud, and soon after, there was a blast of thunder and lightning, and I screamed.
The old lady knocked on the little canvas and said, “Son, come over on my side, I got a lantern lit here.”
I went to her section, and she took me by the hand and said,” Young fellow, are you a Christian?”
I said, “No ma I’m not a Christian.”
“Did you ever pray.”
“No, I’ve never prayed.”
She said, “You better be praying, for these twisters lay everything flat on the ground. We will be blown into pieces if this hurricane stays in its path.”
The Pastor interrupted him, “Did you pray?”
“No Reverend, I was too scared to pray. I couldn’t get my thinking right. Every time I started to pray, a tree would root up and slam against the cabin. I couldn’t pray. The only thing I could do was sit and watched that old saint prayed. She prayed with such calmness and assurance. She was talking to somebody she had spoken to before and who had the power to stop the hurricane from damaging us.
In my heart, I said, "Lord, if you'll be merciful to me when I get out here, I'm going to know you as my Savior." And that's what I'm here for now. I don't know when I'll hit another storm like that, and I wanted to come while I was in my right mind and could pray."
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You have a great message that is easy to understand and relate to. Some tweaks with tightening, dialog, and transition can turn this into a powerful story. It's easy to feel the passion in your words. Keep writing.
Nicely done,
God Bless~
God Bless~