The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/13/22
Very thought-provoking material. You have included a lot of detail about the cast aquifer, which reminded me if the vast artesian basin under the equally vast deserts here in Australia. There was a danger of posing your readers with so much of that detail, but you brought in yuor devotional point just in time.
I loved this! I can see if you made this into an allegorical story how powerful the illustrations would be - how impactful!
I would love to see you creatively take this piece and find the allegory to set it in. Thank you!
Blessings
01/16/22
Interesting take on the topic and very informative piece with great in-depth writing.
well done!
Blessings~
You have a lot of potential in this piece. Near the end, I could really feel your passion to share the Good News. Your last sentence struck me as irionic because it's what I was thinking--your story needs a new beginning. The first paragraph was quite dry and felt like a lesson in geography and the second paragraph much like a geology lesson. You have mere seconds to grab your reader before she moves on to click on another piece to read. You need to start off with a hook right away to pull the reader in. Perhaps a short story about how you left things below the surface, bubbling and waiting. Then you could condense the first few paragraphs into a few sentences. You've a lot of potential for sure. You touched my heart, but you need to grab the other readers and get them to want to keep reading in order to touch their hearts as well. It's not easy to pack a punch in 750 words, but with some practice I know you can do it. I'd love to challenge you to read and comment on at least 5 stories in each level and pay attention to what you like or don't like and then make adjustments in your own writing. You've a lot of knowledge, a true desire to spread Jesus' love, and some raw talent. I believe you can harness it all. Keep reading and writing.
01/20/22
Informative piece. I learned a lot and liked how you tied it all together. Very Interesting.