The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/16/12
Oh this was touching! Beautiful job with this piece. I felt the MC's emotions fully and completely. Good job.

God bless you~
This is a great story. It's right on topic. You created a believable and likable character.

Try doing more showing than telling. For example this sentence tells -- she was filled with excitement at the prospect of this new opportunity. Instead show with something like this Visions of assisting others created goosebumps on her arms and her stomach flipped-flopped at the mere thought of her coming interview. Sometimes it may take more words to show but you can tighten your story up by leaving out unnecessary details such as street names and such.

You did a delightful way of staying on topic while telling an interesting and relevant story.



02/23/12
I enjoyed your story. I was drawn in and even felt her frustration as she went round and round, both looking for her destination and a parking spot. Surly she was on a divine appointment...
02/23/12
Congratulations! God Bless~
I really enjoyed this story. Well done and congrats.
Thanks everyone for the kind and encouraging comments.
02/29/12
I love the way God takes the things we deem to be all wrong and rolls them into the perfect solution. You just know she got this job. This was good! Keep it up!