The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/02/06
Brief, but to the point.
"For there is no better thing in life then to find your purpose in serving God and others." AMEN!
Off to a good start! Your style here is clear and expressive. The problem is...I like Bill! Don't you think we readers deserve to know him a bit better?

There's nothing wrong with brevity, as long as it's fully developed. Here we are left hungering for more of your gift, more of your story. I vote you go back and give us all 21 guns hiding in your writer's soul. You've got the goods; go for it!

Looking forward to more from you! Blessings, Sherry~

06/03/06
A nice start, expand on this, maybe add some more examples of "show don't tell" and this would be even better :)
06/04/06
Alot of Wisdom in a few words! My only suggestion would be to put a "question mark" after the "Why?" and to break it down into paragraphs. Otherwise, I loved it - it had a clear message, and hit the nail on the head, topic-wise! Well done.