The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Well, this is certainly interesting but confusing because there were no Roman Catholics in Jesus day. That statement led me to believe this adventure was a legend or about someone checking out a legend of Jesus. But with some reworking this could be a story that works. Don't give up on it. Editing is sometimes when the fun begins.
This piece needs work but it was an interesting POV.
I enjoyed your entry and the story. I love stories that involve faith.

Thank you,
I agree about saying Alejandro was Catholic, for that would not be possible. With some re-working, and more showing this story, this would make for a great legend.
This story has potential.
I would keep telling the story through the protagonist eyes.
Leave out useless fillers.
Stay on point and focused and this could be a great story.
Enjoyed reading. Keep writing.