The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/27/18
Great job with the opening sentence and with recounting the lessons learned during a cross cultural encounter.
I think you could have woven this entry together better by tying the introduction and conclusion together. You could mention something about the stress of encountering different kinds of food in your intro, or in the conclusion, mention how the lesson with the food helped you throughout the rest of that stressful year.
01/28/18
This was well done! Held my attention throughout, and good job with the topic.

I loved the close!

Blessings~
Very interesting story. The ending really tied things together.

Thank you. God Bless.
01/31/18
I enjoyed reading this, as I have lived in China for the past 10 years, so know all about the customs and the food! I regularly travel through TaiPo on the train. I have no doubt it was very different back in 1984 to what it is now.
This is interesting. I would struggle with trying new food too, but you have a good message here. I related to the MC and was intrigued by the different culture.

A few quick thoughts. First, you shouldn't start a sentence with a numeral; write it out or switch it up (In 1984). Another thing I noticed is you had a few exclamation points; instead let your words do your exclaiming. On that mindset, instead of using a lot of adverbs and adjectives, try what Jan calls salsa words. (Check out her lessons on forums). For example, I might edit it like this: In 1984, stress strangled my breath and left my heart poundingas my husband and I set off to pastor a church in Taipo, Hong Kong. The church membership had dwindled to only four ladies. It needed a shot of adrenaline in the form of us.

That's just a quick example to show ways of making it pop. You don't really need that extra background information (about the Canadian man asking you and who and when the church was started), which would leave you more word count to show your stress more by using thoughts (in italics), body language, and dialog.


You did have some great verbs like dwindled and strangled, so you have a great start on it. I liked the way you related it to the Bible message, but I'd encourage you to include the reference too. You definitely touched on the topic and this was a fresh and interesting read. I bet you have many great stories to share, and I'm eager to hear more of your adventures.
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