Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: SKULDUGGERY (09/01/16)
-
TITLE: The Friendliest Felon | Previous Challenge Entry
By Michael N Lovdal
09/04/16 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
You’ve seen them on television, on your caster dongle, or phone. You think you know all about them, you’ve met them on your own. You’ve seen the maniacs plot their schemes and psychopaths carry out murderous things—only to be put away in the slammer or narrowly escape while they yammer.
Yes, felons are typecast by the villains in comics, by the monsters of lore, and the uninformed comment. But did you know? Can you conceive? Not all felons are motivated by greed. Nor lust, nor power, northeaster, nor Western-style justice. No, some felons just want to be the bestest.
Without further introduction, may I place for your consideration, the most sociable man to felonize in this greatest of all nations.
“The Friendly Felon,” as he is so aptly named, will greet you on the street and invite you to a game. Football, baseball, he’s a fan of them all. Croquet, cricket, and crochet as well. “Crochet is not a sport!” you may protest in vain. “Well,” he might retort, “neither is moto-racing in Maine!”
He’ll chat you up as you watch for the sport. You’ll try to protest, but he’s sure to retort. “I’m trying to watch the game!” you might say. “I’m sorry if I, after giving you free tickets, got in the way.” And then you’ll feel guilty, so you might give in. You’ll let him go on and on about his sin.
He’ll tell you how he once robbed a bank for a girl; he just wanted to buy her a necklace of pearl. He did five-to-ten, but got out on good behavior. He once even led a fellow felon to his savior. He passed out a tract because a nice lady asked him. What an odd thing for an agnostic on a whim!
He’ll tell you how he once wired millions by mistake to a nice young princess in Kenya, or Kuwait. He’ll grin as he recalls two surprised detectives when they interrogated him about his electives. He had won the money on a race—was it horses? No, ostriches someplace. Either way, it did not matter. They let him off with muffled chatter.
Finally you’ll find you’ve had enough. You’ll turn to him saying, “my boy you’ve had it rough! You’ve committed crimes a dozen times and paid your fine without much wine. Let me now pay for your ticket. It’s fine! No, please, take twice the rate. You need it more than I do in your current sinking state.”
“Well, thank you, friend!” he’ll say with a smile as he takes the cash from your hand. And with that “The Friendly Felon” will slip away with the keys to your minivan.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.