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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: GREED (avarice, particularly for wealth and things) (01/22/15)
I WANTED MORE


Another morning that I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. Why should I?
Nothing had changed from the day before. Nothing had changed for the whole five years of my marriage and I was getting quite tired of it. I wanted more.

Brian had left for work several hours before. Right after I had packed him a wonderful lunch with his hot thermos full of coffee and served him a three course breakfast that he devoured. We had given each other a kiss as usual and had said our little prayer together. I was feeling quite satisfied and pleased with who we were and the example we were living. So with such a seemingly great marriage why was I so grumpy and unsatisfied to the place that I was tempted to just stay in bed.

Well, everything wasn’t as perfect as it seemed. I wanted some of the luxuries I seen my neighbors and friends have. I wanted to go on a vacation, even if we couldn’t afford it. After all, who could? I’d like some new clothes, a newer car and maybe a dish washer. He had a big screen T.V. didn’t he?

I started to complain to the Lord feeling justified and sure he would do something to “fix” the situation. I even cried and whined to him saying, "I need you to do it soon."

A few hours later I heard a knock at the door and when I went to answer, no one was there. “That’s odd.” I thought as I did a double check. Closing the door I began to wonder. Who would be knocking on my door this time of day?

Getting lost in the cares and chores of the day, I had forgotten the knock and was about to go pick up our little boy at the bus stop when I seen a shadow at the door. Again there was a knock. This time I could see it was a man. When I opened the door he apologized for not hanging around earlier but he had to leave because of an emergency. He explained he had an urgent call from his wife. His little girl, Allison, had fallen down the stairs. He had went to the hospital not knowing what to expect.

I was taken back by the gift of beautiful roses he stood holding and that were now waiting for my acceptance but curious how things turned out for his little girl. So I asked. He shared that he and his wife had been fighting about things that weren’t all that important. Because they were upset they forgot to close the gate at the top of the steps. "I guess this was a wake up call. I’m not sure why I was feeling so ungrateful and unappreciated, but I was really feeling sorry for myself earlier,” he said. “I have so many things to be thankful for and my wife is one of them, You have a good day! “ he said with a smile as he turned to leave.

Left standing there smiling with a dozen reasons and a loving note from Brian, I realized, God had just given me the words I needed to hear. ”I have so many things to be thankful for, and my ‘husband’ is one of them.”

“I really don’t need more,” I thought, “Thank you for the wake up call...and Father...Thank you, I will have a good day!”



Fiction
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This article has been read 642 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
01/29/15
Awww. Great story! I loved the whole piece and loved the ending! Great job!

God bless~
Penny Neimiller 
01/30/15
I'm a little embarrassed that when I edited this story, I left out the few lines that left the reader know, the little girl was ok, except for a few bruises. My first time at this, and it has been fun. Maybe next time I'l do better! lol Penny
C.B. Cook
01/31/15
Aw, I love this! Such a great reminder and you really melded it with the theme. You did a great job!
Larry Whittington
02/02/15
This could be a wake-up call to each of us as we forget the daily presence of God's care in our lives.

He has not promised us earthly treasures which rust away but the comforts of a heavenly home.

Good writing.
Lois Lewis
02/05/15
Good job! We are all guilty of grumbling and complaining at times, just like the Israelites in the desert. Blessings,
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
02/21/15
I enjoyed this piece. You did a great job with a hook in the beginning. It drew me in immediately and I was eager to read more about this conflict.

I noticed some minor errors here or there that a good proofreader might help you catch. For example you used seen when it should have been saw. This line wasn't a complete sentence, but you could fix it easily like this: Right after I packed Brian a wonderful lunch with his hot thermos full of coffee and served him a three-course breakfast that he devoured, he left for work.
I love the word devoured. It really creates a wonderful picture, much more vivid than if you had used ate. It also builds on the atmosphere that you built.

I also liked the ending. At first, I thought the person on the door was going to be a mysterious stranger sent by God. Now I believe God sent him, but was delighted that you didn't rely on that handy angel device. It's not that I don't believe in angels, but that writers can overuse it to explain their messages. You did a great job with the ending. It left me feeling satisfied with a smile on my face.

I'm not sure if you've heard of Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards, but I'd really urge you to check it out. Jan does a wonderful job of teaching all levels of writers and if you participate in the "homewor," she will respond to everyone who posts, even in the older lessons.

You did a great job with this and I'm eager to read more of your work.