The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Loved your title, clever. This story was short, but to the point. I really enjoyed it, and shared the MC's anxiety as she was looked at the bear. Great job of bringing that forward, and wonderful job in your conclusion. Nicely done.

God Bless you~
This is a delightful piece. I found my heart thumping a bit too. We live where the bears could show up in our backyard so I've taught my kids all of those things the MC ran through her mind.

You had a couple of tiny typos like up instead of in and thundered clapped. You may also want to double space between the paragraphs to give the reader more white space.

I liked your message at the end but it seemed like it was an abrupt transition. Sometimes I've put things in my story because this is a Christian site and I felt there should be a Christian message in it. Since then I've learned as long as the story is from my heart, the Holy Spirit will make a different message to different people.

To me it seemed a tad too abrupt of a change of thoughts. Perhaps if you had transitioned it more or told a personal story that shows your message. Something like When my mom died, I found myself looking back all of the time. By looking over my shoulder, I was allowing the past to catch up with me. If I didn't start looking forward, I'd find the past devouring me, much like the bear would have. That example may not be perfect but I am hoping it will illustrate what I was trying to say. I'm not saying your way was wrong, by any means, but wanted to show you how your great story could be an outstanding one just by smoothing the transition.

Overall. you did a fantastic job. The pace of the story was perfect. You brought up the conflict right away to entice the reader to read more. The ending was great too. I could just picture the bear lounging by the lake reminiscing about the silly human walking backwards. :) You definitely were spot on topic and it was a fresh POV. I love it when someone attacks the topic from a different angle and you did just that. Your message is a clear one too and one we all need to be reminded of now and then. I look forward to reading more of your stories as this was one of my favorites so far this week.