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TITLE: Words are Powerful | Previous Challenge Entry
By Joe Webb
10/21/09
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I am eaten up with bitterness and guilt. I’m an empty barn after a drought. I feel depression settling in my soul like a thin layer of dust in a rainless land. I gather no hope, only brittle darkness in a fading haze, just black, that’s all I see. Why did I let this blackness invade me? Little by little, it crept into my heart, consuming my inner most parts like a hungry locust.
What can I do? Where can I turn? He embarrassed me in front of all those people, I had a right to hate him, yell at him and call him names! At the time, I meant those hateful words. He deserved them all. I was more than angry. I was justified! It wasn’t the first time he embarrassed me in front of strangers. I didn’t know the next day he would be in that car accident.
I go everyday to see him in that hospital room, but he just lies there. Nothing. He can’t see me or hear me. Then, today as I was sitting in that room crying, a nurse came in and heard me sobbing for his forgiveness. She said I needed to forgive myself. That God heard me and He had already forgiven me. When I forgive myself, the light of peace will begin to wash away the bitterness and guilt.
I became angry with her for not helping me to justify my pain. She had no right to give me fairy tale words about God and forgiveness. I deserved my guilt. I had caused him to drive recklessly. She invited me to have a cup of coffee after her shift was over. I didn’t answer her, but turned back to him and put my head in my hands and continue to cry.
When I was leaving for the day, I saw her sitting in the cafeteria laughing with some other nurses. I got mad and went to tell her what I thought of her rudeness in his room. And how can she dare be laughing with so much pain all around, especially mine.
After I had my tirade, she looked shaken and embarrassed. Just like he had been a few days earlier. Even though, I again felt justified because she had started it not me, I didn’t feel better. I turned to walk away. She called to me to please come back. I looked back like Medusa, hoping she’d turn to stone. Her face wasn’t red anymore. She had regained her composure. “I forgive you,” she said. “Please sit down.“ The other nurses had quickly scattered and we were left alone. I stood my ground. She repeated her request. Exhausted, I pulled out a chair and sat in it.
She made no excuses, no apologies, and no justifications for either of us. “Words are powerful,” she began, “they can heal, they can injure not only on others but in ourselves, too. God’s words change people for the better. They heal. They comfort. “ I didn’t answer her, but I began to realize that my words to him had done what she had said. They had hurt both of us. I slowly got up, smiled weakly and left.
As I got outside, I noticed the blue in the sky. I felt different. A little light of hope splashed into my soul. The blackness had faded some. “Thank you,” I said quietly.

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