The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
What a realistic portrayal (and I should know - been through it twice! LOL). Thanks for sharing!
I didn't feel much like singing when I was in labor, but it is a good comparison and you described it well.
What I like- I liked how you used the topic in reference to a new baby! very sweet! You protrayed what she went through very well. Nice content and good verse at the end.
What I might change - some needs with the mechanics of writing but don't worry - these are easily learned. There are some commas here and there needed but mostly you might want to work on the 'he said etc. and turn that into showing what they did instead of always saying he or she said. But if you do, then a comma is needed after what they say and then don't capitalize he or she. When the husband talks, keep his dialogue in the same paragraph9same for wife) and also then space up the next dialogue. If you would like to pm me I would be glad to do some of the fixing for you to show you better!:) Trust me - I went through it all too and it really improved my writing!