Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: PROCRASTINATE (08/04/16)
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TITLE: Chester's Fate | Previous Challenge Entry
By JC Hummel
08/11/16 -
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“Okay Chester, I’m here,” he said coming into the kitchen and opening the patio door to let him out. The digital clock on the microwave glowed 5:45. There was no point going back to bed and he shuffled over to the kitchen sink and filled the coffee pot with water.
Chester belonged to George, a former client who had recently gone to prison for embezzlement. Somehow George’s irate landlady tracked down Mr. Kenilworth and showed up on his doorstep.
“I’ve lost enough money in unpaid rent.” she complained as she shoved the dog, it’s leash and bowl into Mr. Kenilworth’s arms. “You can take him to the shelter; he’s your responsibility now,” and she stormed off.
Mr. Kenilworth didn't know much about dogs. He had never owned one and didn't want to now, but he did feel sorry for the poor thing. He planned to take Chester to the shelter many times, but he had been so busy. Usually Mr. Kenilworth didn't postpone his plans, but each time he made the decision to go to the shelter he put it off for some reason.
As he sipped his coffee he looked at his calendar and planned out his day. His first stop would be at his aunt Clare’s. A few weeks before, Mr. Maxwell had hired him to find his stolen dog who had been taken from outside a coffee shop. A witness said she had seen an older woman walk with the dog in the direction of the park. After much investigation and to his embarrassment, Mr. Kenilworth discovered that the dognapper was his eighty-year-old aunt.
As he left for work that morning, he remembered he needed to fill Chester’s bowl with water and then he had idea. “Come on Chester, let’s go for a ride,” he said.
Twenty minutes later he was at his aunt’s house. “Well, Aunt Clare, the good news is the man whose dog you stole is willing to let the matter go since your intentions weren’t malicious.”
“Oh I’m so happy. I never intended to steal the dog, but he looked so sad outside all by himself. I just wanted to take him for a walk, and then he got all muddy and I decided to give him a bath, but after his bath he was so tied and he fell asleep …”
“I understand Aunt Clare, but just because a dog is tied up outside a store doesn't mean that you can take it.”
Tears welled up in her eyes. “I know, but this dog looked just like my Basil and I miss him so much.” She pulled a tissue from the sleeve of her cardigan and wiped her eyes. “He wasn’t just my dog, but my best friend and confidant.” She blew her nose.
He took her hand. “Come outside Aunt Clare. I have someone in my car I want you to meet.”
He opened up his passenger door and picked up Chester. His aunt’s face lit up.
“This is Chester. His owner can’t take care of him anymore and he needs a good home. I’m not very good with animals. His owner’s landlady wanted me to take him to the shelter . . .”
“The shelter?!” she said and she grabbed the dog and held him tight. “How could you?”
“I don’t usually put things off, but I’ve been so busy.”
She scolded him, “Well I’m glad you were so busy.”
“I have his bowl and leash with me. I also picked up a bag of dog food,” and he bent down into the car and took out the bag. When he looked up his aunt was already going into the house with Chester still in her arms and now licking her face.
Mr. Kenilworth smiled, and for the first time since his wife’s death, he felt genuine happiness.
“I’m glad I waited,” he said as he placed the bag under his arm and followed aunt Clare and Chester into the house.
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Some of your lines could use some tightening, especially narrative lines that show who is speaking. For example I might tweak it just a little to come up with this: "I’ve lost enough money in unpaid rent.” She shoved the dog, its leash, and bowl into Mr. Kenilworth’s arms. “You can take him to the shelter; he’s your responsibility now.” She pivoted and stormed off.
I think you did a great job of writing on topic in a fresh and interesting way. The story moved along at a nice pace overall. Your ending left me with a warm feeling in my heart and a smile on my face.
Without the insert, the reader tends to get confused about time and place within the narrative. Just a suggestion. Overall good job!
Nicely written.
Your story was cute and I liked the positive outcome from your MC's procrastinating. It was a nice deviation.