Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: THE WHOLE WORLD IN GOD’S HANDS (not the song) (05/28/15)
-
TITLE: Don't Rain on my Parade | Previous Challenge Entry
By D. Michael Newell
06/03/15 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Ring-----Ring---- Ring---- Who would be calling at this hour? The clock read 11:30 pm. I grabbed the receiver on the fourth ring. “Hello, Reverend Newhall speaking.”
“Pastor, this is Tom Lewis. Can I see you early tomorrow?”
“What’s the problem, Tom?”
“I’ll tell you in the morning. When can we meet?”
“How about meeting me for breakfast at George’s Café at 7:30? Would that work?”
“That will be fine. I’ll see you there.”
As Mary stirred I said, “Honey, I’ll be having breakfast with Tom Lewis in the morning. I'll be leaving early.”
“Okay, what‘s wrong?”
“Don’t know, but I’ll find out. It doesn’t sound good. But for now let’s get some sleep. I think tomorrow may be a long day.”
The alarm rang at 5:30. I quickly shut it off and as quietly as possible got ready for the day. I’ll let Mary sleep.
George’s Café was busy when I arrived. But the booth in the back corner was free, so I took my seat facing the front of the café. I could see Tom as he walked in. I stood so he would see me.
He came right over and sat down. “Morning, Pastor.”
“Hi, Tom. Let’s order breakfast and then you can tell me what’s bothering you.”
The waitress came over, took our order and left us a pot of coffee. I prayed for our food and our meeting asking God to guide us.
Tom said, “Pastor, yesterday just before noon I learned that someone was trying to steal my identity. As if that wasn’t enough, after lunch I was told Tom Jr. is MIA. It is like everything has broken on me like a bad storm.”
I poured us both another cup of coffee. “Tell me about Tom Jr. and then we’ll look at the identity theft.”
“Well, about 1:30 an army captain came to the house and told us the copter Junior was in went down in Afghanistan. So far they have not found the crew, but believed they survived the crash based on what the rescue team reported. They don’t know if they were captured or just hiding.”
“Let me call Mary and have her activate the prayer chain. Then we’ll continue”
I dialed Mary on my cell and told her about Tom Jr. asking her to get the prayer chain started.
The waitress brought our breakfast and I asked Tom, “They don’t know much at this time, do they?”
Tom put jam on his toast. “Not really. They said they were searching and would keep us informed of any developments.”
“Let me pray for you, Judy and Junior ‘Father we are here on behalf of Tom, Judy and Junior. Lord you know the anguish, heart ache, and grief that the Lewis’ are going through right now. They need that peace that only comes from you. Lord, on their behalf and that of our church we ask that you would keep Junior safe and bring him home soon. We ask that peace would rule in this home while you are answering our prayers. Amen.'”
I looked Tom straight in the eye, “Now tell me about the identity theft.”
“Well about 9:30 yesterday the bank called and asked about a couple of charges that had just been made on my card. It seems that someone in Washington State has made charges on my card. I told them that I have never been to Washington in my life. In fact, when the charges were made I was right here in Elberton. What is that, 3000 plus miles from here? Any way, they said it fit the profile of other identity thefts. They have notified the police and are giving me new cards with a new account number. They suggested that I keep a close watch on all my accounts including my Social Security account."
Tom frowned, “Pastor, why is all this happening to me? You know that I have tried to follow the Lord. I am faithful in my responsibilities at church, at work and at home. Why do I feel that someone is raining on my parade?”
“Tom, I know how you must feel. I can see the pain on your face. I sympathize with you. But I want you to know that while Satan may rain on your parade, our God reigns.”
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
The only red ink I might offer would be not to repeat stuff (like when the husband told the wife he would meet with Tom and where). Also, painting a picture is great, but make sure the descriptions you use move the story forward or show the personality or emotions of the MC. For example, instead of The waitress brought our breakfast and I asked Tom, "They don't know much." try something like this Tom bounced his knee so hard it rocked the table and coffee splashed all over. "They don't know much."
Not only does it paint a picture, but it also shows that Tom is anxious.
I think you did a fine job of incorporating the topic throughout the entire piece. You did a nice job with the ending too, which many people find the most difficult because of the word limit. This was an enjoyable read from beginning to end.