Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Chillax (04/03/14)
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TITLE: The Man in 42F | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jennifer Champion
04/07/14 -
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I extend my hand to him in a typical greeting manner, “I suppose you are right, Gene. My name’s Colby.”
“So, business or pleasure, Colby?” Gene raises his eyebrows as he stresses on the word pleasure.
“Pleasure actually. I’m headed to the beach to relax. What about you?” As I listen to Gene describe his business trip to the sandy beaches of Caracas, I come to the conclusion he is going to be doing more than business.
“I’ve got a meeting one day but the rest of the days I’m there, it will be just me and some little island honey sipping on cold drinks and chillaxin’.” Gene seems proud of himself as he tells me this bit of private information.
Situations like this really test me as a Christian. Gene has mentioned he is married and yet he still found it perfectly normal to tell me, a perfect stranger that he intendeds to find a woman and “chillax” with her. I’m sure he is not talking about just reading poetry. I ponder what to do next. This will be a long flight so I don’t really want to upset the big man sitting next to me in 42F.
“Gene, I hope you don’t mind but I’m going to chill right now and listen to music and take a nap, ok?” I put my headphones on and lean back and shut my eyes.
I can feel Gene moving around and getting adjusted in his seat. He lets out the tray in front of him and orders a drink from the airline hostess. My ears are pulsating with the perfect rhythms of a blues band from back home, Soul Taker.
The lead singer belts out the chorus in the first track, “What will she do when she finds out about you?” It really got me to thinking about Gene and his wife. I remove my head phones and look at Gene.
“So, Gene, can I ask you something?” I calmly look at him. He seems so relaxed and completely content with his decision.
“Sure thing, Man.” He smiles broadly at me.
“Well, I was just wondering about your wife. What is she like? I’m married too.” I raise up my hand to show him my wedding band. Although my wife has been dead for several years now, I can’t bear to take it off.
Gene gives me this look like maybe I’ve crossed the line but then he starts to open up. “She’s a real pain. Nags me all the time about stuff. Not too much to tell really. We’ve been married for twenty years and she puts on twenty pounds every year.”
He chuckles as I quiver inside at the blatant disrespect this man has for his wife. “What’s yours like?”
“She is perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing. She died in an accident a few years ago.” I watch his face as I unload this on him.
“Well, man! I’m sorry to hear that. Maybe you should hang with me and we will find you an island honey, too!”
He gets up to go to the bathroom at the back of the plane. While he is gone, we lose an engine and have to turn around and make an emergency landing. We had only left the runway minutes before and had not reached our full altitude. Coming back in, the pilot loses control and hits hard on the pavement. The tail end of the plane comes off taking the bathroom and Gene with it.
Later, I am asked by a Medic about the passenger in 42F next to me. I explain that he had gone to the bathroom and never came back.
“His name was Gene and he was going to Caracas on business.”
It is strange how it all worked out. I meet his wife at the memorial service a couple of weeks later. She is a lovely woman. I can’t help but wonder why Gene felt the need to “chillax” with another woman when he had her as his wife. She thanks me for being a friend to Gene on the short ride and leaves the service teary eyed and heart broken. She really loved him.
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You told the story as if it was happening right then and not in retrospect or past tense. (Can't recall the proper literary terms here). I tried that with one entry "Comical Friendly Elephant". And did not do so well. It is difficult to pull off. But when done well, it is amazing. You did a fairly good job of it, but you might consult someone who is better at it than me for some pointers. The story line was good. Keep up the good work.
I enjoyed the contrasting views of the two men and felt for the MC who lost his wife years earlier.
Well done, and interesting ending....Great job!!
God bless~
I like how he raised the issue to help the man in 42F face reality of having a wife at home while lusting for some sweet island honey.
An interesting twist how 42F's plans were handled by mechanical failure: Godly intervention. Especially touching is the memorial scene and learning how much the widow loved the man in 42F.
The good short story had several key points brought to mind: being a friend, how do I show my belief in Christ's way of living, hidden fear yet determined to let your light shine, how to react to "worldly life styles".
As a fictional story you could easily expand it. What direction would you take it?
Good writing.
Don't get me wrong - I understand better than most how a word limit can restrict you in terms of getting in everything you want to say. And I certainly love the dramatic death you gave Gene. I just wish there were enough words available for you to flesh out the ending a little more.
Overall a good entry and I enjoyed the read.
Thanks!
You most definitely have the talent of a storyteller. I encourage you to perhaps get a challenge buddy (there's a thread in the forum) that can help you with basic grammar and puncuation and such. I think with a little fine tunings of the basics, your gift could take you places.