The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/02/13
This is a great story, with well developed characters. I like how you show their emotions and the reasons Marsha struggles to forgive Jude. The forgiveness theme is excellent!

The only flaw I noticed is that most of it is present tense, except for the one line where Marsha "stormed" (past tense) from the room.

Other than that, you did a terrific job. I enjoyed this very much.
This is a great story. You do a wonderful job of building the characters. I could feel the pain in the heart of your character.

You had a tiny POV shift when Marsha storms out not wanting David to see her tears. That technically calls for David to know her thoughts. Instead, you could just show what David saw. For example: Marsha covered her face with her hands as she ran out of the room.

I think you did a wonderful job of matching your message with Scripture. It is so true that resentment and refusing to forgive can really act as a poison. Your ending made me realize that part of the reason why Jesus demands that we forgive is because he loves us so a does not want us to have that poison in our hearts. Nice job.
08/04/13
Beautiful and timely message that all of us can benefit from reading. Forgiveness is an important path to Christ, and in representing His Spirit.

Nicely done.

God Bless~
08/08/13
Very good story on forgiveness. Your words gave the story life... Keep writing.
Your conversation between husband and wife shows how it should be. Husbands don't always give their wives the time they need but he still pursued in an understanding way.

Forgiveness may have been the main theme but the story illustrated how a husband carried out his part and showed how he loved her correctly.