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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Click (04/18/13)
She rushed silently against the flow of the noisy crowd. Alone within a throng and looking ahead without seeing, her eyes blurred with tears. Her heart was crushed with anguish while her numb mind searched for answers. Her long gown and sash repeatedly caught in the crowd as she navigated away from the forward surge. She ran, frozen with the horror she sought to escape and they sought to see. He had promised eternal life but was facing a defeated death. Jesus, the man, was bleeding and exhausted, dragging toward crucifixion.

A pebble caught in her sandal but she continued, internal pain exceeding external. God, where was God? The crowd thinned and her dodging slowed as she made her way to quieter, calmer streets. Stopping at the city gate, she clung to the stone threshold. She leaned into the steadiness and coolness of stone. Breathing hard, she tried to calm herself. Slow her breathing. Steady her heart.

Then, in an instant, she knew. This was not the end, but the beginning. Words that she had clung to as he spoke to the crowds now made sense. He was not defeated. He was defeating. “Jesus Christ is Lord.”
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This article has been read 828 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
dub W
04/29/13
Nice devotion length piece, though I saw no evidence of "click."
Laury Hubrich 
05/01/13
I think the 'click' was when she figured things out:) I did need to read this a few times to get it though. You did write the truth. Nice job!
Judith Gayle Smith-Owens Vitouswykegardinerclark
05/01/13
I enjoyed this immensely . . .

Throw a Brick for CLICK

http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36947
Christina Banks
05/01/13
You really showed us her heart. Nicely done. I love your descriptions as she races away from what is happening, and how the truth clicks in her mind at the end.
Virgil Youngblood 
05/01/13
Concise and meaningful. Well done.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/02/13
You have the start of a powerful character here. My heart ached with her pain.

It may have been a tad weak on the topic, but I understood that it clicked inside her head and you certainly don't need to use the word to be on topic.

One thing you might want to consider is to replace passive verbs like was with active ones to help paint more of a picture for the reader. For example this: Her heart was crushed with anguish while
can be turned into something like this: Anguish overwhelmed her as her heart thudded against her chest


Overall, though I think you did a great job. The MC was relatable and the proof that the writing is good is that I longed to read more about this character. I could feel the waves of emotion from grief to confusion to finally understanding. Well done. :)
Cinda Carter 
05/02/13
When it dawned on her that it was not the end but only the beginning. I knew in my heart that it clicked with her. She new without of shadow of doubt that Jesus was the Christ. I found your devotion to be meaningful and touching at the same time.