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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: RASH (04/12/18)
This one particular day I just knew I had to get out of bed and get started for the day ahead but Oh I was having so much me time just enjoying the comfort of my bed that it was hard to shift myself but shift myself I must. So, after a long stretch I just mumbled to myself ok girl you really do need to get going. I then put my feet on the floor and got up and had another stretch whereby I then decided I needed a cup of coffee.



After I had showered and dressed for the morning and had my second cup of coffee (yes, I like my coffee, but it has to be weak), I then did my bible study which was fun and was on Ephesians 6, basically all about the Armour of God – so that was good. I spent some time in prayer as well thinking and remember friends and family that I needed to pray for before going to look at my “to do list” for the day. Whilst I was reading through I heard the phone ringing, so I thought I had better answer the call-in case it was important.



As it happened the call was from a dear friend who had been struggling health wise up until a few days ago. Anyway, she needed to get to the doctor’s surgery that morning as her car had broken down. The appointment was an important one. I knew I had a lot on today and I wasn’t sure if I could fit in taking this friend for her appointment. Oh decisions, decisions had to be made. I needed to make a rash decision and it had to be the right decision whereby I could see if another friend could take her otherwise I would need to take her in my car and forgo something else I had to do which was equally important. Oh, my what was I to do, I hated making rash decisions and sometimes when I did do this for other reasons they weren’t always the right decisions.



I decided to take this to The Lord in prayer, so I did. Not long after I had prayed the phone rang again and basically this was from another friend saying that she felt I should take this other friend to the doctors that morning and she would take care of one of the other important things on my list that I had to do. Now how did this friend possibly know about the predicament I was in - this only had to be from the Lord. So, I breathed a sigh of relief knowing my prayer had indeed been answered.



I took my friend to the doctors and as it happened I am pleased I went with her as she had some good news, you see she had been suffering from Fibromyalgia and the week before I had forgotten that I had prayed for her healing. The doctor who saw her this morning gave her a clean bill of health and she was no longer in pain or suffering from any of the symptoms of this horrible illness – how on earth could I have forgotten that I had prayed with her. We got in the car and we both thanked Jesus for her healing and then we decided to go for a well-deserved lunch – so we did 😊. Just knowing that our prayers had been answered was a true blessing from God as He always knows what we need right at the anointed time. He is indeed a Father who answers prayers and we just need to trust in Him.



So, I know that before I make any rash decisions in life that I need to take them to The Lord and I just know He will be faithful in answering my prayers as He will yours too.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Linda Lawrence
04/19/18
I can really identify with everything in your story. God is so gracious.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
04/21/18
It is so important to remember to pray. Of course, God knows all of our needs, but communing with him helps in more than just the way we think. I garnered from your story, a lesson I've realized recently. When I pray for someone and see the results of prayers, it reminds and reassures me that God is here and listening. Often, the prayer ends up benefitting me way more than the person for whom I was praying. I really liked how you demonstrated that in your story.

You've a nice foundation in this story. In my opinion, however, you are doing more telling than showing. I'd encourage you to paint a picture with your words. For example, by adding body language, thoughts, and dialog, I might edit it like this:

"Grrr, uhg, oohhh." Yawning, I flung my arms out and stretched. As the cool air hit my face, I burrowed back under the covers, but that little voice in my head started chastising me. <i>Girl, time to get going. You have tons to do today. </i>Scowling, I yanked back the covers, groaned, and stretched again. I mumbled, "But I don't wanna get up. The bed is way too comfy." Finally, I forced my feet onto the floor and pushed myself out of bed. "Coffee. I need coffee."

I know I took too many liberties, but I wanted to show you what I meant. By doing something like this, I'm able to tighten it up by cutting out some unnecessary words. It also slows the pacing down a bit, making the reader almost feel that lazy feeling.(By putting so much information in, you make it almost a frenzied pacing.) Finally, it paints a picture for the reader.

Later on, you do a nice job with the dialog. I'd add even more speaking, especially when you mention the telephone call and even when you pray. I think you did okay with writing on topic. I like the angle you took with it. The message is wonderful. I think pretty much everyone can relate in one way or another. You also did a nice job of developing your MC. In the end, I felt like I had a good sense of her personality. I truly enjoyed this read and look forward to reading more of your stories.


Larry Whittington
04/23/18
With just a little work this could be a teaching or encouraging devotional. Get a good Bible verse to go along with it.

Keep enjoying your writing.
Jody Day 
04/24/18
Such a great lesson here. Really enjoyed this piece. Just a few suggestions. Since we have the 750 word count limit, it's a good idea to get to the point. You could give yourself more words to work with if you shortened the getting up and getting going part. A few sentences are really long, and breaking them up would give greater impact. A few places you use the word decision a bunch of times.

Thank you for this reminder to trust God for our daily decisions!
Dennis Gallemore
04/26/18
You're on the right track; keep on writing!