The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/28/16
Wow! This was riveting and intense. So many verses are big favorites with me, each books has a favorite line...and that from 1 John is one of my favorite from that particular book.

Great job, well done!

Blessings~
05/02/16
Suspenseful. Creepy. Well done.
05/04/16
You have a creative way with words. I started sensing his paranoia, and was engrossed in the story.

There seemed to be a word misfit early on. You wrote something that he slept fitfully, then how he woke up often. It's easy to read things, and they make sense to us, the writer. But in translation to the reader, I tilted my head, and wondered if I read it correctly.

You definitely have talent. Keep writing.
05/05/16
Congratulations, Raymond. on finishing 2nd place in the Beginners category. I liked the intensity the MC faces throughout.

In the first paragraph, I would break up the last sentence into two. Quickly, he assessed the situation. You need some type of conjunction into the second-- [but] thought.

Well done!
05/07/16
Congratulations on 2nd Place.