The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is a great story. You held my attention as I found myself hoping someone would rescue Tommy.

You have some tiny errors like missing capitals at the start of a quotation and some missing commas. A good proofreader or a reference book like Elements of Style by Strunk and White might help with those things. Also make sure that your title doesn't give away the ending. I'm terrible at reading titles, but if I had read it when James approached Tommy I wouldn't have wondered if he was going to be a good guy or a bad guy and that suspense for me really made me enjoy the story.

You did a nice job on a difficult subject. it's so sad that this is the story of way too many kids. The world needs more James. In my local news today, there was a story of a man abusing his son in a store and someone acted and called 911. Your story is a good reminder that we should get involved when we can do so safely.
Wow-what a powerful storyline, and wonderful job of writing. It was like a "professional book read" to me. I was completely engrossed in it, and praying someone would help that degenerate that was abusing the young boy.

This will stay with the readers long after and it was a timely reminder how someone can make a difference in someone's life.

Excellent piece!!

God bless~
Congratulations on your Highly Commended placing!
Congrats! I am so pleased that you received a recognition in this well written and powerful story.

God Bless~