Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Fellowship (among believers) (10/11/07)
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TITLE: Gallery Gash | Previous Challenge Entry
By sarah rauch
10/16/07 -
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The screen pulsed with bright, earth-shattering colour and sounds. Allan sat there, stunned, elated. His pounding heart thumped noisily past his ears as he was frozen still, barely believing what he knew was true. He had won! He had completed the challenge laid out for him – the conquest of sleepless nights, vivid dreams and daytime imaginings. He was IT – the big chief – the winner! Finally, his body catching up with the joy of his mind, he let out a whoop and he stood up – giving himself a round of spontaneous applause.
With his breathing slowing, he looked around the room. Yes, over the many nights he had been here, dodging, scheming, tortured with loss and anxious with gain, he had promised himself that he would gain control of this environment. The pizza boxes, greasy and stained, lay in piles at his feet – the mouldy cups of coffee and half eaten...whatever they were....were scattered among the piles of empty plastic packets.
The winner's screen was left on for 17 days continually. Every time Allan entered the still messy room, it bathed him in achievement, success, glory. The stale cups and packets looked changed – almost golden in its constant glow. So he left them alone. Too busy now anyway.
It was a Wednesday when the sickening moment came. Realising he needed to make a decision, Allan decided to switch the computer off. It seemed like a desperate situation. He needed this proof, this constant reminder of skill – that he was worth the title of winner....but.....
Almost subconsciously he flicked the switch off. The surge of regret was palatable. Instantly he flicked it on again – but the screen had cleared. Deflated, Allan realised the only recognition of his achievement would be his name at the top of the winner's page. No more blinking praise in technicolour – his nickname filling the whole screen. In that moment he decided he would continue to be a winner – he would choose another game and win again.
It was at the computer game store that Allan met the last person he expected to see. John. Years had flowed between the time they were Youth Group leaders until now. Allan wasn't sure that it was John standing there until he spoke softly to the shop assistant – in that accent that only John did so well.
Allan stood across the aisle, waiting for his old friend to look up. He did. What happened next blew Allan away. John seemed to bound across th polished floor to Allan, whacking him on the back as they used to do. Breathless, Allan studied John. Yes – he was older, Yes he still had that odd, aloof way about him – but true happiness was in that wide, wide smile.
An hour passed – with laughter and memories of Youth Group days flooding back – the crazy way they had encouraged young people to stay sober, the way they had prayed together...A pang of regret gnawed at Allan's heart at the connection he knew he had lost with others.
The hour ended with John inviting him to a small church group meeting – and asking Allan what events had happened in his life. Allan's pride and ecstatic excitement with his Gallery Gash win seemed to fade to nothing. Awkwardly he had accepted John's enthusiastic piece of paper – scrawled with the date of the next meeting and John's cellphone number.
Watching John leave the shop, Allan held the piece of paper tightly as he paid for the latest Gallery Gash game. Strangely, the moment of purchase seemed tiring – this moment he had wished for, for so long...
On reaching his home, Allan stepped into the empty hall. Switching on the lights, he walked determinedly to his computer room to boot up the game. Sitting on his padded chair as it loaded, he thought about the life he had known – passion for young people to be free from addictions, all night prayer meetings, the vision for the old church hall....
Picking up the phone, he reached for John's number. Simultaneously and deliberately, Allan turned off the computer.
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You've written an extremely compelling character--find a way to get your readers more into his head, and you've got a read winner.