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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write something in the YOUNG ADULT or TEEN genre (06/07/07)
“Come on try some”, said Dan, holding out some pills. Brian thought for a moment.

“I don’t think so”, he replied feeling intimidated and uncomfortable.

“You wimp”, Dan snapped, “It won’t kill ya", Brian looked Dan in the eye,

“It’s dangerous and yes it could kill you”, he said with concern. Dan gave Brian a snarky look.

“That’s a bunch of bull, you’re just a wimp”, he said.

“Am I? I think I would rather be a wimp than dead,” replied Brian with confidence.

“Open your eyes Dan, He paused.

“What happened to James, Candice, Joe’s Brother Mike, did they not all get into trouble because of drugs?” Brian pointed out.
James had an overdose, Candice was in rehab, Mike was in jail, and there was silence.

“What about your own parents?’ Brian dared.

“Leave them out of it!” Dan yelled with anger, there was more silence. Dan’s parents lost everything and were separated because of alcohol. In a quiet low voice Brian said,

“Just think about it, why in the world would you or I want to end up like then... are we not smarter than that?”
Dan just figured anyone who didn’t do it were just wimps. He didn’t know that to say. There was truth in what Brian was saying. Everyone he knew that did drugs and alcohol failed in everything they did. It’s just took some longer than others. But the end result was the same. Dan looked at Brian in the eyes for a long time. His mouth opened but nothing came out but more silence.

“I’m not the one with all the answers”, Brian finally broke the silence.

“But I know someone who can help”, He gave a slight smile.

”Dan you are not a bad person, you were brought up in a differant life style and you can do alot better than this”. Brian paused.

“Let’s do the right thing, are you with me?” Dan shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know“, he said hesitantly.

“You can’t possibly be happy?” Brian said, silence…

“No … No I’m not”, Dan confess.

“Do you want to be?” Brian questioned, silence…

“You might become a wimp”, Brian smiled.

Dan glared at Brian, and then his face melted.”I rather be a wimp than dead” he realized.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Debbie Roome
06/18/07
Good dialogue that held my attention and such a worthwhile message.
Ed VanDeMark
06/18/07
This is an important story to tell. It's difficult to tell it with just 750 words. You did a good job considering the word limitation. However endings that happen too quickly detract from the story. I hope you re-write it where you're not limited to 750 words. That way Dan's transition will be more believable and satisfying to the reader. I see this as a bigger story. Thanks for telling it. My guess is the title was meant to be "Better a wimp than dead."
Jacquelyn Horne
06/28/07
This is a good read for teens. It could use a good editing for typos, wrong words and verb tense. Always read your work objectively before submitting. This is a very good piece, however, for teens to read.