Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Melody (08/24/06)
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TITLE: Confessions of a Mediocre Worship Leader | Previous Challenge Entry
By Carmel Lois Mendoza
08/30/06 -
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Just let me live in the shadow of your beauty, let me see you face to face…”
I told you once that I may not be the best singer here, but I’ll offer you the best singing I can do. I knew you were touched, and I was glad. Just the thought of your smile as you listen to the perfect melody in my heart was enough to keep me singing my heart out – even if the perfect melody is usually only in my heart and not always in my voice.
Trouble is, I just can’t reach them high notes. I can barely make it to “so” at the second octave at best, and normally, I can only sing from the lowest “do” to just the next “do” of the same octave. My brother said I should just release the “power” in my voice, that I can actually hit the high notes if I just let my voice go. In my bathroom rehearsals I try to do just that, battering the poor walls with the might of my vocal chords. But my voice broke while the walls still stood, and so I have to accept the fact that I am just an alto; and that if I want to sound good, then I just have to be content with songs written for my range or transpose the notes to a lower key, hoping that although the song will surely lose some of its flavor by doing this, you would still hear the better version of the melody playing in my heart.
“And the earth will shake as your word goes forth, and the heavens will tremble and fall
But let me say how much I love you, o my Savior, my Lord and Friend…”
I’m sorry that my voice keeps on breaking, that tears just block my throat and render me helpless there in front of the congregation. When I’m alone on the piano singing to you, it’s okay to be swept away and let my tears dance to the tune of the praise of my soul. But here at the pulpit, I can feel the musicians’ frustration with me: I was supposed to be the worship leader, yet here am I crying and destroying what little chance I had to decently finish a practiced song.
But I can’t help it. One glance at your majesty and I am enthralled. Like a little child desperately wanting to please, I scramble within the rooms of my soul in search of something I can give to my Father. Like the woman with the alabaster box, I know you’re worth my costliest treasure. And so I let my voice break, and let out my real song of gratefulness and worship, that One as great, pure and beautiful as you are can completely, truly love me.
“And the depth of grace and forgiveness found to be called a child of God
Just makes me say how much I love you, o my Savior, my Lord and Friend…”
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