The Official Writing Challenge
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Good work. I enjoyed the conversation, which had an authentic ring to it. Great beginning and ending paragraphs. I expect you've already spotted the Tray/Trav typos. Well done.
Good direction. The piece felt forced at times, but I really liked the way the main character fleshed out as I read it. Something that helps me is to go back and ask: If I was looking in on this scene, would it feel real to me as i have written it.

This is very good overall and I would like to read more in the future.

Nice job with this! I really like the dialogue here - and the wise words of Harry. A story well told!
This is a double-good story :) because of the story-within-the-story technique, which you managed very well. So well, in fact, I hope you have a book in mind. These are genuine characters I would love to see developed beyond the constraints of the WC limits. Congratulations on your placing in the top five, also. You have real talent. Go girl!