Healthy Living

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As for you,
you whitewash with lies;
worthless physicians
are you all.
[Job 13:4]
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(Sneeze!)
(Cough.)
(Sniff.)
"What a WASTE!"

[SILENCE.]
[LISTENING TO SOME REALLY
SMART PERSON ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET.]

"I can't BELIEVE I FELL
FOR IT!"
(Cough.)
(Sniff.)
"And, it HURT, TOO!"

[CALM NOD.]
[IT'S SUNDAY. LORD
SIGHS. SHOULDN'T HE
BE SPARED FROM HIS
CHILDREN'S KVETCHING
FOR ONE DAY?]

"Hey, LORD?"

[SILENCE.]
[PATIENT SIGH.]

(Yell up to ceiling with
raspy, throaty voice.)
"LORD!
LORD!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"What is it,
Mein kinder?"

(Suspicious squint.)
"What's a MATTER?
You sound like You're in a
bad MOOD?"

"Never,
My child."

(Suspicous smirk.)
"Aw!
Come on!
NEVER?"

[GENTLE SMILE!]
"Not where My
precious children,
are concerned."

(Thoughtful squint.)
"Anyhow......
now, I forget what
I was kvetching about."

[SMILE!]
[CHUCKLE!]

(Sneeze.)
(Sip some cold rootbeer.)*
(Wipe runny nose.)
(Spoon some Walmart rainbow-sherbet
from the box.)
(Sneeze.)
"Yeah, Lord!
What was that 50 dollar
FLU SHOT FOR?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
[LISTEN TO A BEAUTIFUL
CHOIR OF CHURCH MEMBERS
SINGING DURING AN EVENING
WORSHIP SERVICE IN SOUTH
TEXAS.]

(Cranky glance up at ceiling.)
"Hey, LORD?
Are You LISTENING to ME?"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Yes,
My beloved.
Always."

"WELL?
What ABOUT IT?"

"What is that,
My precious."

"The 50 BUCKS!
THE 50 BUCKS!"
(Stare, open-germy-mouthed
at the ceiling.)
"Where ARE You,
ANYWAY?"

"Right Here,
My beloved."

(Cranky, sneezy glare.)
"WELL?
What about IT?
That worthless FLU SHOT?"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Things of this world
are not perfect,
My beloved."

(Sneeze!)
(Grab for some more tissues.)
(Sneeze again.)
(Cough [but not the really bad
kind, just a scrapey cough].)
(Cough again.)
(Snort.)
(Spoon some more melting
sherbet.)
(Sneeze into the sherbet
box [okay because author
is single - thank the Lord].)
"Well, why don't You
DO SOMETHING?"

[PATIENT GAZE.]
"And, what is that,
My precious."

"First of all;
how come I'm 52 and 1/2,
and still getting COLDS?
Shouldn't I have gone
through all the COLD VIRUSES,
by NOW?"

"No,
Mein kinder**."

"Why NOT?"

"Cuz."

"What kind'a ANSWER
is THAT?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
[LISTEN TO A BEAUTIFUL
SOLO BEING SUNG IN THE
SAME EVENING CHURCH
SERVICE.]
[GAZE BACK AT CRANKY,
SNEEZY CHILD ON THE OTHER
SIDE OF TOWN.]
[REMEMBER HER CRANKY
ANCESTORS WHILE WANDERING
AROUND THE DESERT BETWEEN
CANA AND EGYPT.]
"I love you,
My child."

(Kvetchy frown.)
(Cough.)
(Blow loudly into Walmart tissue.)
(Sniff.)
(Raspy voice.)
"I love You, too,
Lord."

[GENTLE NOD.]
[TENDER VOICE.]
"That's what's important,
child.
That is what is most
important."
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And there was a
woman
who had had a flow
of blood for twelve years,
and who
had suffered much
under
many
physicians,
and had spent
all that she had,
and was no better
but rather
grew worse.
[Mark 5:25-26]
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*Author knows about the
tea-drinking, when one has
a headcold; but, all it does
is make her run to the
bathroom. Even,
the herbal stuff.
**Rhymes with 'in'.
To say it with a
Yiddish accent, hold
your nose, and then
say it.
Author keeps forgetting
that most folk reading
this stuff, weren't raised
with Yiddish.

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