Holidays

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And she
gave birth to
her first-born son
and wrapped him
in swaddling cloths,
and laid him
in a manger,
because there
was no place
for them
in the inn.
[Luke 2:7]
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"Lord, can You do that
THING for me.... that You
did for JOSHUA?"

[SMILE!]
"Tell Me,
loved one."

"LOVED?"
(Kvetchy face!)
"LOVED?
I'm not LOVED!"

[SMILE!]
[SOLEMN NOD.]

"Nuh UH!"

"Yes,
My beloved."

"Don't CALL me
that, Lord!"
(Grimmace!)
"You're EMBARRASSING
ME!"

[CHUCKLE.]

"SO?
Come ON.....
I HATE these
real short DAYS!"

[SMILE!]

"WELL?"
(Squint hopefully up at ceiling.)
Are You
gonna DO IT?"

"Do what,
My child?"

"Ya know:
make the SUN
stand STILL!"

"Ah."
[NOD.]
"Yes."

"Ya mean,
You're gonna
DO IT?"

[CALM VOICE.]
"No."

(Screechy whiny voice.)
"Why NOT?"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Read It
to Me,
My beloved."

(Squirm.)
"I can't remember
where it's AT!"

"Look,
My precious."

(Shrug.)
"I don't FEEL like
it!"

[PATIENT NOD.]

"Hey, LORD?"
(Curious squint up at ceiling.)
"Do YOU think
the INNKEEPER was
BAD?"

[PATIENT GAZE.]
[WATCH A REINDEER
NUDGE SOME SNOW-CRUSTED
GRASS ON THE CANADIAN
TUNDRA.]

"DO YA?"

[PATIENT SMILE.]
"Do I what,
precious."

"Think he was BAD?"

[SILENCE.]
[LISTEN TO CHRISTMAS
MUSIC PLAYING IN
SOMEBODY'S CAR ON
I10*.]

"Cuz, I've seen a couple
CHRISTMAS plays....?
And, in EVERY ONE,
they make the INNKEEPER
...... a BAD guy!"

"Ah,
yes."
[NOD.]

"WELL?"

"I'm waiting,
My child."

(Clueless gaze at the wall.)
(Listen to the news;
turn it off.)
"For WHAT?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Ya mean, for me
to READ that STUFF?"
(Bored shrug.)
"I TOLD Ya:
I'm LAZY!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
[WATCH SOMEBODY
IN PHILADELPHIA
TAKE THE MENORA
OUT OF THEIR CLOSET.]

"SO?
What d'Ya
THINK?"

[SILENCE.]

"What d'Ya THINK?
(Thoughtful squint.)
I DON'T think he was
BAD!"
(Stare up at air vent.)
"WHY was he so BAD?
It was LATE at NIGHT!
WHAT was he gonna DO?
Take out his CELL?
And, TEXT ....for an
AMBULANCE?"

[SIGH.]
[SHAKE HEAD.]
[BLOW A COLD
WIND ACROSS THE
FROZEN PLAINS
OF NORTH DAKOTA.]

"I guess, he could've
called for his WIFE to
do somethin'?"

[GAZE AT ONE OF
THE ASTRONAUTS
INSIDE THE SPACE
STATION HANG A
LITTLE CHRISTMAS
ORNAMENT INSIDE
HIS SLEEPING BUNK.]

(Thoughtful gaze.)
"Maybe, she was visiting
some'a her RELATIVES,
for the HOLIDAYS!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]

(Thoughtful silence.)
"Oh.
That's right."
(Silence.)
"There wasn't a HOLIDAY,
yet."
(Squint.)
"That's RIGHT."

[GAZE DOWN AT
SCRUFFY HEAD OF
CHILD WITH THE
CAT ON HER LAP.]

"I STILL don't see
WHY he was so BAD?"
(Whiny voice.)
"It wasn't HIS fault!"

[SIGH.]
"Child......"

"I don't GET IT?"
(Whine.)
"I mean, it was back
before B.C.!
I can IMAGINE
what those INNS
were LIKE!"

[PATIENT LISTENING.]
[NOD.]
[SMILE DOWN AT
A SNOWMAN OUTSIDE
A LITTLE HOUSE IN
UPSTATE NEW YORK.]

"ICH!"

"Child?"

(Squint.)
"YEAH?
What?"

[PATIENT FROWN.]
"Shouldn't you be
getting to sleep?"

(Shrug.)
"Yeah.
I GUESS."

[PATIENT NOD.]
[LISTEN TO THE
GENTLE SNORING OF
A HIBERNATING BROWN
BEAR IN NORTHERN
MONTANA.]

"You're not gonna
TELL me;
ARE Ya?"

"Of what,
My beloved."

(Irritated whine.)
"ABOUT THE INNKEEPER!"

[SIGH.]

"I hope he had a good
ATTORNEY, LORD!"

[TENDER SMILE.]
"He did,
child.
Me."
************************
Then spoke Joshua
to the Lord
in the day
when the Lord
gave the Amorites
over
to the men
of Israel....
'Sun, stand
thou still
at Gibeon,
and thou Moon
in the valley
of Aijalon.'
And the sun
stood still,
and
the moon
stayed.
[Joshua 10:12-13]

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*The author keeps
forgetting that people
who don't live in the
States, read this
stuff. I10 is a big
highway that runs
across .....well,
(Squint.)
a BIG part of
America. The
best part, of
course, is in
San Antonio.

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