Other

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"I don't really want to
go, tonight,
Lord."
(Sigh.)

"Tell Me,
child."

"Well.....for one thing...
it's dark, and COLD*."

[NOD.]

(Sigh.)
"I'd rather just stay
HOME."

[NOD.]
"Yes, My child."

(Silence.)
(Frown.)
(Sigh.)

"But, I want you
to go."

(Whiny, screechy voice.)
"WHY?"

[SILENCE.]

(Whinier, even screechier voice.)
"WHY?
WHAT FOR?"

[SMILE!]
"CUZ."

(Cranky frown!)
"YEAH?
What's THAT?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Child, one day you
will learn
Who I AM."

"The One Who
gives me AGGRAVATION
and HEARTBURN?"

[CHUCKLE.]
"I could say the
same thing,
My precious!"

(Burst out laughing!)
"Hey......SERIOUSLY,
LORD!"
(Grimmace!)
"I don't like when
they TALK about
all that STUFF!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"I know,
My child."

(Grimmace!)
"If they say
'those little black hats',
ONE MORE TIME!"

[NOD.]

"ONE MORE TIME!"

"Why don't you
speak up,
My precious."

"Who........ME?"
(Stare, open-mouthed,
up at the ceiling.)
"Are You KIDDIN'?
I have trouble being
ASSERTIVE with a
couple a' scruffy CATS!"

[SOLEMN NOD.]
[SIGH.]

(Wave hand impatiently.)
"Tell somebody ELSE,
to do it........
NOT me!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"FORGET about it!"

[PATIENT GAZE.]

"Why don't YOU
say somethin',
LORD?"

"I already have."

"WHEN?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Read My Word,
child."

(Impatient wave of hand.)
"Yeah, YEAH!
I KNOW!"

[RUMBLE.]

"OKAY!
I'm SORRY!"
(Ornery glance at ceiling.)
"I'm just CRANKY,
is all."

"Oy vey."

(Smile!)
(Sigh.)
"I just get TIRED of
that stuff, LORD!"

[NOD.]

"They think all JEWS
wear these 'little black hats'
and have 'long, curly BEARDS'!"

[SILENCE.]

"It's RIDICULOUS!"

[LONG LOVING GAZE
AT EXTREMELY CRANKY CHILD.]

"My Dad never had a beard,
in his LIFE!"

[PATIENT GAZE.]

"And, they call 'em
YAMUKAHS!
YAMUKAHS!"
(Smirk up at ceiling.)
"Where did these guys
grow up, ANYWAY?
In a CAVE?"

[LONG PAUSE.]
"Who is being
judgmental,
child?"

(Yell up at ceiling.)
"ME!
THAT'S WHO!"

[SIGH.]
"I love you,
child."

"YEAH?
What's THAT
got to do, with IT?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"YEAH!
Well, Ya SURE gotta
strange way ......a'
SHOWIN' IT!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"If You LOVED ME!
You would'a MADE ME
.......an ESKIMO!"

[SMILE!]

"YEAH!
I could've fought
against MUSHING**,
and all that HUNTING
STUFF!"

[SIGH.]

"And.......
(Thoughtful squint.)
and, I could've gotten
to see the AURORA LIGHTS!"

[NOD.]

"SO?
Why DIDN'T Ya?"

"CUZ."

"Yeah."
(Sigh.)
"I'm probably too
whiny, to be an
Eskimo, anyway."
(Sigh.)

[SMILE!]

(Sigh.)
"These folks are nice,
Lord, but.....they got this
real WEIRD impression
of Jews: like, they're
all real RELIGIOUS,
or somethin'!"
(Smirk!)
"It's SO WEIRD!"

[SMILE!]

"YECH!"

[SYMPATHETIC NOD.]

"Yich!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
[WATCH A FLOCK OF
GEEZE ON THEIR WAY
TO SAN ANTONIO,
FROM NORTHERN
CANADA.]

"I really don't want to
go."

[NOD.]

(Sigh.)

"Wear your other
coat tonight, child."

(Cranky frown!)

[GENTLE SMILE.]
"It's cold out."

_____________________
*For San Antonio.
**Dog-racing in Alaska:
used with a sled, and a
bunch of real tired,
worn out dogs, who sleep
out in the cold, run for
miles against their will,
have sores on their
feet, and get smacked
with a whip. Some
of them die in the race,
but at least their people get
to win a lot of money.

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