Teens

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Most young adults today see their parents as the enemy. Parents are the ones who set curfews and rules and take away privileges when their rules aren’t followed.

What if there was a way to gain greater respect from your parents and get your way more often? There is.

First, before coming home and asking “Can I use the car” or “Can I stay out until 1”? Ask your parents how their day was or if there is anything you could do to help around the house.

Second, define the problem.. What exactly do you want? A new car, help on homework, more allowance money to take Susan to dinner and a movie?

Third, take the time to understand and listen to your parents. Make eye contact with them. Don’t just listen with your ears but your heart as well. Imagine you were in their shoes. If you’re roles were reversed and you were the parent, what factors would you have to consider before making a decision about extending curfew. You might consider whether extending curfew would affect their schoolwork, job or safety. Where are they going? What will they be doing? Is what they want to go and do dangerous?

Then repeat what you heard your parents say in your own words. Try to be warm and caring not flip and sarcastic. You can use phrases such as, “So, as I see it....” or “As I get it, you feel that...”

Share your ideas with your parents. Explain why you believe the rule should be changed. Do you need it changed permanently or for one night? Why should they allow you to stay out past curfew? Maybe your reasons are honorable. For example, you are baby-sitting and the parents won’t be home until after your curfew. You need to let your parents know your position, and why this is important to you. Tell them why you think it is a good idea.

Work together to find a solution. Pitch all your creative ideas, even your wildest ones. Let your parents pitch theirs. Avoid criticizing theirs because it will kill the creativity. Keep building on the best ideas. For instance, if you want to make more money to take Susan out, maybe you could get a part-time job or start your own lawn mowing business. Think of solutions in which you both win. If you start your own lawn mowing business, you make the money you need and your parents don’t have to pay for it.

Decide on a solution that both you and your parents agree upon.. Your life will be a lot more peaceful if your parents don’t disapprove of your decisions. When you communicate instead of argue with your parents, you will be able to cultivate a relationship with them and learn communication skills that will last you a lifetime.

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