Women

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Each morning I attempt to make time for bible study and prayer. In my mind I envision how it should go. I am in my sparkling clean kitchen, seated at the table. There is a morning light streaming in and bathing me with a glow- one that picks up the highlights of my neatly styled hair. The scent of fresh coffee mingles with the flowers that are in a vase in the center of the table. The house is silent except for the praise music playing softly in the background.

The reality of my mornings is laughingly different. The kitchen is continually caught somewhere between chaos and clean, never quite committed to either state. The table is cluttered with piles of clean laundry, schoolbooks and mail. I cannot remember the last time I had flowers and am not even sure if I own a vase anymore. My hair is pulled up into some kind of ponytail, bun-like heap and secured with whatever was handy. (Those rubber bands that come on fresh asparagus are my favorite) The smell of coffee does not exactly linger. It permeates. Four children and never enough sleep calls for coffee and then more coffee. At any given time, someone is yelling at a sibling or screaming “MOM, _____ won’t leave me alone!”

As soon as I get a few minutes of quiet I either clear a spot at the table or head for the couch, Bible in hand. Prayer is a little difficult at such times. My head is swimming with things I need to get done and the phone will ALWAYS ring just about then. I cannot tell you how many times I have allowed myself to answer it and end up in a long conversation-never making it back to my devotions at all.

Then there are times when I look around and see tasks that need to be completed. I suddenly cannot ignore the shoes that need to be lined up or the coupons the need to be sorted. The very jobs I have been putting off for days seem urgent all the sudden. Several times I had to leave to run an errand and brought my bible with me, thinking I could “catch up” later, maybe while caught in traffic.

I will tell myself that God understands, and I truly believe that he does. However, I am totally approaching this the wrong way. I find that I have the mistaken idea that devotions are more for God than for ME. When I choose to talk on the telephone or fold laundry rather than spend time with Him, I am spoiling my own blessing. When I tell myself that I am “too busy” and depend on God’s mercy to get me by, I am only excusing my lack of desire for the things of heaven. (Ouch!) He loves to commune with me, but I NEED to commune with him.

I will never be perfect and I will certainly never have that ideal morning I concocted in my mind, at least not while I am sharing a home with a large family. Thankfully, God does not mind if I pray next to a pile of laundry. He is happy to meet me where I am. He doesn’t care how my hair looks or even if I have brushed my teeth yet. That phone can go unanswered and the world doesn’t stop. I am relieved to know that he will not hold it against me that I have messed this up so many times. His mercy is new every morning and every morning I have another chance to get it right. How cool is THAT?

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