Grief

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Silence is a part of the grieving process
By Dan Langerock

An elderly female patient in a rest home was very lonely among other things. She would never speak to anyone and was always by herself rocking in her chair. She rarely had any visitors.

One day, a nurse decided to try an experiment. She pulled up another rocker alongside this introverted patient and just silently rocked along with her for a while several times a week.

After two weeks of this behavior, the elderly patient finally spoke to the nurse and said, “Thanks for rocking with me. It meant a lot.”

It is hard to know what to say when someone is grieving or is otherwise non—communicative. Many people feel that the “vacuum” of silence must be filled by saying something, anything. But there is grief so deep that words cannot express it, and we must give the person time to speak when they are ready.

After a death, I have sat with a patient for sometimes half an hour or more without saying anything, just praying for the person and waiting for them to speak. It can be likened to a deep friendship or relationship when words are not necessary to communicate, the people are just there together, and no words are needed. Have you ever experienced this in your life?

If you really care about the person, let it show by just being there for them, and let them make the first move to speak. Of course, not every circumstance will be like this, so you must be sensitive to the needs of the person and not have an agenda to speak until it is the right time.

True caring has its own language, and you can learn this by just being sensitive and listening to what God is telling you to do in a certain situation. Think about what you would want if you were in this person’s place of grief. Helping others is one part listening to God, one part listening to the person, and one part speaking. Try not to feel uncomfortable with silence because it is a vital part of the grieving and caring process.

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