Humor

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If the Old House could talk

The beginning

"Mama, when did you and Papa start going together?"

"Well, it was like this-- Me and Hettie was walking down the road and Fred came up to me and said, "Beedie, can I walk with you?"

I said I reckon so and we walked together ever since."

"Me and Fred got married when I was fifteen. Maw pushed for us to get married.
We rode the train to Hattiesburg and got married at the Courthouse then went our separate ways before we told anybody. Uncle Bob, Fred's Daddy, found out that we were married and told Fred that he would have to quit school and get to work now that he is a married man.”

Papa managed to buy a few acres of land in what we humorously call North Caesar. I think it was 15 acres heavily timbered in virgin Pine. He cut the trees from the land to make the lumber to build the Old House. It started out as two rooms-- a kitchen and a bedroom. As the family increased in number additions was added as the need arose. Finally, ten kids were born to the Beedie-Fred Lee family and the Old house consisted of three bedrooms, a living room, kitchen, and dining room. It still stands in Caesar, MS and will be 100 years old soon.

I recently fell heir to the old homestead. Prior to my becoming owner of the house my two older brothers occupied it. Having what the national news media calls the "Mississippi Mentality" the house was allowed to fall into desperate disrepair. I had not paid a lot of attention to the place after my mother died assuming that the occupants would take care of the property. I was wrong! The termites did extensive damage to the walls and substructure, the tin roof developed leaks that caused damage to the interior. I recently visited the old homestead and I was standing in the yard, reminiscing, and wondered what the old house would say if it could talk.

The conversation begins.

"Take a load off your feet, son, I have something to tell you.”

Surprised as I was that the house could talk I took a seat in one of the old rocking chairs on the front porch.

"As you probably know, son, I've been around a long time, near 100 years. I'm beginning to feel my age too. I've seen a lot of things, some that I won't tell for fear I might embarrass you, not that it would bother me to do so.”

"Well house, anything that you know about me please keep to yourself.”

"We'll see! I was built in 1911 the year your Papa and Mama got married.”

"I didn't know that. I thought you had been here forever.”

"Don't get smart with me boy or I'll spill the beans on you.”

"Sorry, I just couldn't resist that jab. You and I have been friends for 73 years. We can take a joke every now and then.”

"As I was saying before you interrupted me, I have been here a long time. Your daddy built me out of Virgin Pine. If you will notice my sides are 1 inch by 12 inches rough-cut planks and the 2 x 4's are true 2 x 4. Don't see that kind of lumber anymore. I'm still tough as nails. However, the termites have taken their toll on me and just to be frank with you Fred, you don't mind if I call you Fred do you, it don't feel so good."

"I can sympathize with you, house, cause I had the Red Measles, in the summertime, and it was hot as blue blazes. You didn't help any you know, not being insulated."

"Hot, you think that was hot? Let me tell you about hot-it was hot when the ole kitchen caught on fire and I nearly burned down. That was hot. Good thing they had an old dug well there to get buckets of water!"

"Yes, I drank many a glass of water out of that well, dead frogs or no dead frogs!"

"Don't make me sick Fred, or I'll drop a rafter on your head.”

"You're just the kind of house that would do that too, you old grouch."

"I remember when all you younguns were born here. Ole Doc Goss delivered all of you. Lets see now if I can remember their names-there was Oretta, Olive, Mary, Totsie, Yonnie, Audie, Coolidge, Garvice, Maxine, and you. Hmm, four of your siblings have passed on into eternity and now that I look at you, I can say that you don't look so good either! You know, you was a cute baby and a fine looking youngster-what happened?”

"Watch what you say, house, or I'll pull a board loose from you side."

"You're the kind of person that would do something like that!"

I would in a New York minute! While we are on the subject of the siblings, I asked Mama one day if Papa was a Hot Papa. She sort of grinned, grunted a laugh, and said, is a fish hot? If it wasn't for me there wouldn't be any of you younguns!" I dropped the subject after that statement."

"Well Fred, I'm getting tired just standing here talking to you. You know, I went through the hurricane of 1917 that came through Alabama that blew me off'n my blocks. I withstood the Influenza outbreak during the great depression when all the younguns were sick, I withstood Camille, Katrina, and Ike but I'm getting older by the minute, I'm beginning to creak at every nailed joint, I think the termites have come back, and as far as I'm concerned I am not long for this world. You humans get all the breaks!"

"How do you figure that, house?”

"Don't you read your Bible?"

"I do, but not as much as I need too."

"I can believe that!"

"What do you have in mind, house?"

"You know what Psalms 90:10 says don't you?"

"I can't remember right off but I have a feeling you are going to tell me."

"It goes something like this-lets see if my memory is still good-- Ps 90:10 The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away. I am quoting from the King James Version, of course."

"Well house, I'm prepared to make that flight. You see, several years ago I met Jesus, I repented of my sins, I trusted in him, and now I'm doing just like ole Abraham did, looking for a City not built by hands. Christ told the disciples that he was going to prepare a place for them and would one day return to claim them as his own. Of course I'm paraphrasing being too lazy to look it up in the Book. There won't be any old rotten, termite infested houses up there you know. But anyway I'll miss you when you are gone. I have a lot of memories of you. Thanks for being there these 97 years."

Fred Lee Original!

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