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The cry of a single woman
Gillian Mc Donald
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Gabriela is sitting there all alone reflecting on her life. It seems like only yesterday she was twenty, where did the rest of her life go, she wonders. Her inner man is in turmoil, where did she go wrong, why did her life turn out this way. She remembers the one that trampled on her love, that left her so wary. Is it because of the past that she can't step into the future. Now in the midst of all this turmoil she is going through she has begun to experience symptoms of perimenopause, which now adds to her distress, mood swings, irritability, light headedness and a host of others symptoms.
Still single with no children, having never been married, she wonders if that is still possible. She has been faithfully serving the Lord but it seems like God has forgotten the martial part of her life. Even though He has used her to touch so many lives and has blessed her and provided for her, still that does not satisfy her, she thought it would. The desire to find one to love and be loved has not waned. Lately she has been thinking that maybe she will never get married, just maybe she should just forget about that married stuff, but no matter how she doesn't want to think about it, in her quite moments all thoughts of getting married would wash over her, alone she wonders when will things change, when will her Boaz show up?
Now that her mother is no longer there, she has so much of free time. What was she to do?. She no longer had her mother to take care of. She remembers when her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, She became caught up with the demands of caregiving thinking that her mother was going to get better, little did she know that she was misinformed. As the pressures of caregiving increased she found herself letting go of her former life including her relationship with God. As a result depression set in which brought with it hopelessness and a lack of enthusiasm and she found herself having little energy for doing even the simple things.
Gabriela soon began to get sick, because depression tends to suppress the immune system it made her susceptible to illnesses. She began to escape into a world of daydreams when things became too much to handle. At times she even felt like running away, this continued for a while until one day when the need arose to calm another storm that came by, she found herself like Samson not having the ability to whip the enemy.
That was a wake up call for her, She found that she was weak and helpless and the sad part of it was she did not realize where she was in her relationship with God. Gabriela soon began to realize that she was walking in disobedience to God, she was not obeying the word , actually she was hardly finding the time to read the word and pray during that period, she had gotten off the track and gotten lost. As she began to cry out to God and repented and get back into the word and prayer, things began to change within her and also in her role as caregiver. God began to work things out for her good, she became a happy camper and was able to take care of her mother until she passed away.
Looking back Gabriela realise that the devil used the storms to take her off course, to disrupt her life because he knows that she has purpose and destiny. When she stopped abiding in the Lord she found herself not being able to do things for God. Walking in disobedience was costly to her and even to those around her.
She feels a loneliness grip her as her tears well up and begin to flow to match the rain that had begun to pour outside the window. These crying episodes seems to have become a regular occurrence these days. When will someone see me and love me.?she says to herself, when will things change? I know they say singleness is a blessing and during that phase of your life you can give God your all. but I am getting old. Lord I am beginning to show signs of age, my gray hairs are showing, she says.
Where are you Lord ,don't you have a husband for me? All my life I have been taking care of people, somebody's child or family member, isn't it time someone took care of me Lord? Lord I know you have been taking care of my needs and I don't want to seem ungrateful but I need a family of my own. All my life I have been giving and giving till I feel like I have nothing left to give. Where are you Lord ? You said you will give me the desires of my heart.
Lord! Please! Lord talk to me, I feel so unfulfilled.
As she closes her eyes she begins to hear someone speak to her. Daughter know that I love you, you have not chosen me, but I have chosen you. Know that your days of running are over, even from what I have been calling you into. Turn around and run to me and even as you run towards me you will find what you have been looking for, for a long time. You have been feeling an emptiness, that is because of the level of ministry that I want to push you into. You have been reluctant but the days of procrastination are over, they are long gone.
My desire is for you to take my hand and follow me wherever I go even into the deep waters. You have been reluctant because you have been afraid to swim but even as I have caused you to come out of the ship and cause you to walk on water, so I am causing your faith to rise and to walk where you have never walked before. The days of walking in the natural are long gone, even as you walk in the spirit I am giving you an understanding of the times and seasons, and as you move with my wind as I move, and as you follow me, I will lead you into green pastures. Arise o daughter of Zion, arise and take your place and go forth and see me come through for you.
Gabriela opens her eyes and somehow deep within her she knows that everything is going to be alright, what she heard was the truth about herself, something she was afraid to face for awhile, but with it has come a calm assurance and a peace that she did not have before. Indeed she was feeling an emptiness, not recognizing that she had stopped somewhere along her journey and was marking time, but it was time for her to arise again with a new confidence knowing that everything will be taken care of.
So Gabriela began to earnestly seek God again, she wants to get back where she was in the things of God. There wa s time when she would pray for people and see them healed right before her eyes, when she used to flow in the word of knowledge and the word of wisdom and the gift of discerning of spirits. The truth is Gabriela knows that God has called her as a prophet but she has been reluctant to walk in it because of all the misconceptions out there. She realizes that she can no longer walk like Peter afar off. She needs to accept who God has called her to be and begin to come into what God has ordained from the foundations of the earth.
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Reader Count & Comments
13 Sep 2008
A beautiful piece that sounded so real. Lovely and poignant.
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