Gospel

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We are afflicted
in every way,
but not crushed;
perplexed,
but not driven to despair.....
struck down,
but not destroyed.
[2 Corinthians 4:8-9]
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"I can't find Galatians,
Lord."

"Look for It,
My beloved."

(Clumsily shuffle through
lots of stained, tattered,
and doodled-on pages.)
(Mumble.)
(Grumble.)
"SO?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

(Irritated squirm.)
"Where IS it?"

[SILENCE.]

(Impatient whine.)
"I can't FIND it!"

[PATIENTLY WATING.]

"Maybe, it's not IN mine!"

[SMILE!]
"It's in There, My precious.
Look."

(Stop shuffling pages.)
(Spoon up some raspberry sherbet.)
"It's just that this friend of mine
sent me some encouraging
words about running the race....."

"Good, child."

"Yeah, but I wanted to write
about it, cuz I never ran a
race in my LIFE!"

[PATIENT NOD.]

"The OPPOSITE, actually!"

[PATIENT GAZE UPON WHINY CHILD.]

"So, I wanted to write about it;
Ya know: how in elementary
school the kids used to fight
over whose team I WASN'T
gonna be in!"

[GENTLE BEMUSED NOD.]

"How my TEACHERS used to
send NOTES home to my
PARENTS about how I
couldn't catch a BALL!
(Roll eyes beseechingly.)
Or...do a SOMERSALT!
Or...swing a TENNIS racket!
Or...or, climb the ROPES!
Or...eh, jump the HORSE!"

[NOD.]

"Heck; I FELL off a
GALLOPING horse,
one time.....
(Painful grimmace!)
Remember THAT?"

"Yes, My precious.
I remember."
[PATIENT NOD.]

(Sorrowful frown.)
"UGH!
(Shiver with memory.)
Remember how I had to take
REMEDIAL GYM........in HIGH school?"

[GENTLE NOD.]

"UCH!
The EMBARRASSMENT of it all!
(Grimmace.)
It was ALMOST as bad as....
HEBREW SCHOOL!
ECH!"

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
[SIGH TO HIMSELF.]
"Oy vey."

(Squint sorrowfully up at air vent.)
"Hey, LORD?
Remember when that golf teacher,
at PENN STATE, yelled at
me, cuz I kept DIGGING up
the school LAWN with my
GOLF club*?"

[PATIENT NOD.]

"Yeah. Boy, did he YELL
at ME!"
(Kvetchy frown.)
(Squirm.)
(Mutter.)

"What does that teach you,
My child."

"Eh.......don't go to PENN STATE,
unless you're a JOCK?"

[SMILE!]

"Eh.....don't take 'Golf I' in
college, if you think it's just
gonna be about PUTT-PUTT?"

[CHUCKLE.]
"No, My beloved."

"Eh.........if your golf teacher
YELLS at you in front of
about 30 other kids....
AND a bunch'a retired guys
playing on the Penn State
lawn......
just smirk,
and tell him EXACTLY what he
can do with......."

[SUDDEN RUMBLE.]
"CHILD!"

"Okay!
OKAY!
(Wave puny hand at the air vent.)
(Squint.)
(Kvetchy whine.)
So.......WHERE'S this GALATIANS,
A...G...A...I...N?""

"Keep looking, child.
[PATIENT SIGH.]
And,
you will find It."
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You were running well;
who hindered you
from
obeying the truth?
[Galatians 5:7]

_____________
Thank you to my
friend, HP.
[*Author's note: true story.
The poor, aggravated teacher,
after pulling half his hair
out, and trying to fix the
university lawn up again,
wrung his hands and pleaded:
'Miss MICHAELSON? Uh....
(Rub calloused, dirtied palm
across sweaty forehead.)
How about THIS: You just
show UP every CLASS, pick
up that GOLF CLUB, go over
THERE... (Point to bald spot
in grass real, far away from
the whole class and retired
guys playing golf.)
..and just SWING the CLUB a couple times...
EVERY class...and, eh...
(Pull hair. Beads of sweat
rolling down face.)
.....I'll give you
a C+...OKAY?"]

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