Healthy Living

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The Lord God
said to the woman,
What is this
that you have done?
The woman said,
The serpent
beguiled me,
and I ate.
[Genesis 2:13]
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"Hey, LORD?
Is that SNAKE GONE?"

[SMILE.]
"Which one,
My precious."

"Ya KNOW!
The one that was in my LAWN?"

[PATIENT NOD.]

"Does that mean a YES?
Or.....a NO?"

"Child.
[PATIENT PAUSE.]
What have I told you,
about yelling
at Me?"

"HUH?"

"You don't need to
yell, child.
[PATIENT SIGH.]
I'm right Here."

"WHERE?"

"Right Here."

"SO?
Is that a YES?
Or, a
NO?"

[SILENCE.]

"You're not gonna
TELL me,
ARE YA?"

[SILENCE.]

"Well.........what about
the SNAKE REPELLENT
that GUY put on my LAWN?"

[SMILE!]
"What about it,
My beloved."

"WELL?
DID IT WORK?"

"Read My Word,
beloved."

"WHY?
What's it gotta
do with
my SNAKE?"

[VERY PATIENT SIGH.]

"I TOLD Ya,
LORD!
It's too GRIM
for my TASTE!"

[RUMBLE OFF IN THE DISTANCE.]

"ECH!
I TOLD You!"

[MORE RUMBLE.]

"Can I write it,
OVER?"

"No."

(Grimmace.)
"Ech.
It's way too heavy.
Plus......there's
not enough Jewish
HUMOR in it."

[CHUCKLE.]
"Yes, there is.
There's plenty."

"So, LORD?
Did that snake REPELLENT
WORK? Did I get my
99 BUCKS WORTH?"

[PAUSE.]
"Read My Word,
child."

"I think You're just
AVOIDING the SUBJECT!"

"No, My beloved.
[LONG PAUSE.]
I'm just giving you
a good snake
repellent."
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The Lord God
said to the serpent,
because you have done this,
cursed are you above
all cattle....
upon your belly
you shall go,
and dust you
shall eat,
all the days
of your life.
[Genesis 2:14]

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