Fiction

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Chapter 3
“Lav, they’re coming over… Hello Brice,” Amy warned Laveda in low tones before she greeted the unwelcome visitors. “Who’s this you have with you?” She was stalling for time until Laveda could gather her composure. Ever the gentleman, Brice was quick with a smile and an introduction.

“Honey, I’d like you to meet Amy Garrison and Laveda Callidora. Ladies, this is Melinda Howard.” Melinda smiled at them both, apparently unaware of the link between her boyfriend and the woman sitting at the table. “It’s nice to meet you. It’s been… charming to meet all of Brice’s old friends here.”

Laveda looked at Melinda only briefly, long enough to get an impression, but short enough to signal her uneasiness. She didn’t even smile back as the petite red head spoke. A waiter dropped his tray in the back of the café, and all four turned toward the sound.

“I hope everything is alright back there,” Brice said. “Well, we only dropped in for a quick cup before continuing our tour of the city, so we can’t stay and chat. But it was nice to see you again, Amy. Laveda.” As he said her name, he let his eyes linger on her downcast face just a moment. Amy saw the look, though Melinda and Laveda both missed it. Amy returned their goodbyes and focused on her coffee.

She and Laveda sat in silence for several minutes, while Brice and Melinda ordered their coffee and left. When the couple had safely left their line of vision, Amy asked “Do you want to go?”

“I don’t know. I… No, let’s stay. I’m fine. We can stay. Do you want to leave?”

“Yes, I do. I don’t know about you, but I feel like going home. Why don’t you come back to my place? We can have a fire and talk more there.”

“Sure. I haven’t warmed up in front of a fire for a long time.”

They finished their drinks and walked out into the early fall weather. The wind blew a few remaining leaves into the street, and into the women. Laveda thought it was fitting that the world seemed to be crashing in on her. It was enough that she hadn’t been prepared to see him today, but Melinda too? It was too much. She fought back angry tears as she and Amy walked the few blocks to Amy’s apartment. She kicked herself for not being able to hide her surprise and hurt from Brice. She was certain he had seen it. He knew her all too well, and she’d noticed how he’d looked at her, silently questioning her reaction. Laveda forced the thoughts out of her mind and started counting her footsteps until they reached Amy’s apartment building.

After lighting the fire, which meant flipping a switch to turn on the electric fireplace, Amy and Laveda settled onto Amy’s large, comfortable couch with individual blankets and let the flickering fire sooth their troubled spirits. “I love looking at the flames,” Amy began. “There’s something so entrancing about them. Those colored flames look like they’re leaping up to escape the heat below.” She kept her eyes on the fire, knowing that her friend would speak when she was ready. Laveda was ready more quickly than she thought.

“Yeah. They only feel the heat, not realizing they’re a part of the heat they’re trying to escape.”

She let a moment of silence pass.

“I don’t know what’s going on, Amy. Maybe I should move.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You don’t need to move. He and Melinda may not even live here. Don’t start freaking out on me, okay? Just tell me what’s going on with you right now. Stick to the facts, counselor.”

Laveda laughed. “Thank you, Judge Garrison. But facts are what I work with, and I have no idea how to deal with this. When you told me he was back in town, it surprised me. I hadn’t thought about him for weeks and was actually starting to believe it was over. But seeing him today reminded me that it’s not over. The facts are that I broke up with him because I didn’t love him the way he loved me. The facts are that he has quickly fallen in love again. The facts are that I am alone, just as I used to be. Before you start lecturing me again, remember that it is a fact, Amy. I do not have anyone to come home to and I am alone. You can’t deny that, can you?”

“No, you’re correct, counselor. You’re all alone and that means you’ll probably die alone.”

“You’re a real pal, Aims.”

“But that is what you’re thinking, isn’t it? That because there’s no one now it means there never will be? You can’t think that way unless you’re cozy in a casket. Last time I checked you were alive, at least physically.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Laveda asked indignantly. She didn’t need to be scolded. Amy had told her to stick to the facts, and she was! Where were all these personal attacks coming from?

“I was trying to get to this earlier, so please understand. Laveda, I love you and I want the best for you. I want you to be happy. But there’s something wrong with you. You’re not alive, Lav. You’ve become a walking zombie.”

“Yeah, well, blame that on Brice. I was fine before he came and shook things up. It was my mistake and it’s just taking me some time to recover.”

“Err, wrong. You were not fine before he came and loved you. Laveda, have you seen yourself? I’ve wondered what happened to the fire you had in college. What’s happened to you that made you lose interest in life?”

Laveda started to get angry and defensive at the notion that she wasn’t living, but then reconsidered and sank back into the couch. She laid her head back and closed her eyes. Maybe if she could just go to sleep she could dream it away…

“Oh, no you don’t.”

WHAM.

“Ow! Loser, why’d you hit me?”

Amy laughed as she lifted the pillow for another swing. “Don’t you dare try to escape this heat. There is no escape!” She laughed again as she hit Laveda’s legs.

“Amy, quit it. I’m not in the mood for a fight.” She furrowed her brow and tensed up. This was a real problem and Amy wanted to play around. What was wrong with her? Couldn’t she see that this was all Brice’s fault? “If you want to talk, let’s talk. But stop hitting me.”

“Fine, fine,” she laughed. “But you better not try that again, or you’ll reap the same reward.” Amy tossed the pillow onto the floor and laid on it.

Laveda stuck out her tongue and closed her eyes gain, but only for a moment, as they flashed open again. “I’m not sleeping! So, Amy, how’s your love life? Any new men I should know about?” She knew it was a low blow, but she was tired of being on the hot seat.

Now it was Amy’s turn to get defensive. “No, of course not. You know I’d tell you if there were.” Then she realized she’d fallen into the trap. “Oh, no, now stop that, girl. You’re still on the witness stand, and you can’t change the subject that easily. I asked you a question.”

“I forgot.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“No, you didn’t.”

Laveda sighed. “Fine. You want to know what happened that made me die? You want to know why my time with Brice was the best and worst time of my life? You really want to know? You better think twice, Amy, because the news could rock your comfy little world.” For added drama, she raised her eyebrows and tried to look smug.

“Hit me with it, lady. I can take it.” Aware that she was about to hear the confession she’d been waiting for, she sat up and faced her friend.

While she spoke, she gazed into the fire. “Okay, you asked for it. I’m lonely. I’m terrified to be alone forever. I always have been, but didn’t really see it until after college. It was easier to throw myself into law school and work, rather than face it. I decided to ignore it and forget about getting married. I was okay on my own and didn’t need a man. Brice surprised me and took me for a ride. I started to feel things and wondered if maybe this was it. But I knew it wasn’t right, that something was missing. So I ended it. And now I’m back to being lonely, the way I’ll always be.” When she’d finished, Laveda picked some lint off the blanket she was using.

Amy digested what she’d just heard and considered her next words carefully. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving you lonely. I’ll admit that I’ve seen that in you, but didn’t know how serious it was until Brice came. I didn’t know why you let him pursue you like that, when you obviously weren’t interested in him that way. But I see it now. Please forgive me for not being a better friend.”

“Oh, it’s okay, you don’t have to apolo-“

“Yes, I do. I do, Laveda. You’re my best friend and it’s my job to talk to you, to understand you, to be there for you. But I haven’t been any of that. I let you try to tough it out on your own, because you seemed so capable. I forgot that you’re human, just like me.”

Laveda shook her head, “Amy, no. Don’t do that to yourself. You’ve been a great friend. I’m a good actress, that’s all. And I can keep being one, as long as I’m prepared.”

“But what about when you’re not prepared? What if you run into Brice again? Are you going to show him the stoney face and the cold heart?”

“Ouch. Well, he doesn’t need to see how much pain I’m still in. What good is that going to do? I broke up with him, remember?”

“I think we’re getting off subject. Listen to yourself for a minute. You’re talking about an eternal masquerade! You’re going to wear yourself thin trying to be strong all the time. Let it go, Lav. Take down the wall.”

“Thanks for the advice, hon. Next time I’m sitting at home alone on a Friday night I’ll remember that it’s my own fault.” She was tired of this and didn’t want to show weakness now. “Can I use your bathroom?”

“Sure,” Amy breathed through a sigh. Laveda got up and moved down the hall to the bathroom. Why was she so stubborn, Amy thought. Something needs to be done to wake her up. I hate to see her so hidden! She’s in so much pain… If only I could help her see that she doesn’t have to be so strong all the time.

Laveda returned and said, “Well, I need to go. I’ve still got some things to go over before going in tomorrow. Thanks for having me over.” She folded the blanket and prepared to leave, as Amy silently gave up. Laveda promised to call if she needed anything and left. As Amy shut the door behind her, she wondered if anything could break down the years of fear and loneliness inside her friend.

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