Humor

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The Flood
©
by

Stephen A. Peterson


On a clear, beautiful day in the land of the valley of the two rivers, God summoned Noah to Himself.

“Noah!” said the Lord “I want you to build an ark. Because in about a year I’m going to make it rain until water covers the entire earth in order to destroy the evil that is on the earth. So what I want you to do is to build an ark large enough to bring in two of every living creature. Noah, I’m giving you building plans as to how I want you to build the ark.

A year passed before the Lord’s return. When the Lord returned, he found Noah sitting on a rug outside of his tent crying and in distress. “Noah!” said the Lord, “Eh, where’s the ark?”

“Please”, said Noah, “Lord forgive me. I tried but I couldn’t do it! The building plans You gave me failed Babylon’s building codes. The city’s mayor and city council told me that I was violating the zoning ordinances by building the ark in the backyard. When I asked what code they were talking about, they told me that the ark would block shepherds from being able to graze their sheep. Because I protested saying that I had a higher authority to build the ark, they laughed, told me I was nuts, gave me a citation, then fined me 1,000,000 denarii!

The Babylonian Environmental Protection Agency (BEPA) sued me for cutting down the gopherwood trees that the environmentalist argued would have endangered the environment of the Babylonian broad mouthed locust population. I was found guilty, charged and fined 2,000,000 denarii for an environmental violation.

Days after my environmental violation, I was sued by a Babylonian Animal Rights Group for 15,000,000 denarii for what they said was the intent and collecting of strange and exotic animals. They won the law suit.

Two weeks after that the Babylonian Army Corps of Engineers demanded I produce an environmental impact statement regarding a flood on the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. I could not. They sued and won a suit of 10,000,000 denarii.

A month later, the Babylonian Tax Commission accused me of tax evasion, trying to leave the country to evade taxes by ark, violation of the Equal Opportunity Commission, and Civil Rights Commission because I didn’t employ enough Philistines, Egyptians and Greeks at my worksite. I was sued again and lost. This time I was sued for 12,000,000 denarii.

I’m sorry, Lord, but they said I won’t be able to build an ark for at least 10 years.”

Following Noah’s report, the rain stopped as did the tornadoes.

Looking up Noah asked: “Lord, does this mean that you’re not going to destroy the earth by flooding it?”

“You are correct Noah”, responded the Lord, “Heck, the government has already destroyed the World!

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